[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: in my head about patriciadots

    Author: Daniel Barlow
    Elite Ratio:    5.95 - 2137/2098/1688
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1288

       Cheers to Keith for the edit suggests.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsin my head about patriciadots

    hen i watch you from the long grass
    assuming the position of a lion

    i don't know


                   it seems like that boyfriend of yours
                   is a wildebeest


    with a limp.                              

    Submitted on 2019-04-29 02:58:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      And what a fantasy it is. This girl - this lioness - toys around with her prey, let's it run, and gets a little closer.

    All the while you stalk in the tall grass like a hopeful voyeur. Envious of the soon-to-be-consumed wildebeest. And the irony is lost, because that wildebeest is lucky to be prey to such a glorious predator.

    | Posted on 2019-05-02 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      with a limp...

    surely you could finesse the word gimp in there somehow?!


    | Posted on 2019-04-30 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      so from that bit of back and forth, you might consider that patricia's chap might put up a fight.

    and that would make the conquest all the sweeter.

    good to see you bursting into print on my page mate but no need for me to punctuate, annotate and oscillate prior to your postings - you have your 5hit in a tin when it comes to annunciating what it is that makes your ticks tick and i see it as ours, the casual observers' role, to kick you around a bit so that you ask a few questions of not just your wordsmithery but your motives too.

    just like you do when you critique my awkward attempts :-))

    stay cool kiwi,

    | Posted on 2019-04-30 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      i like your version, where it seems to me as if the addition of the two patricia's is flirtatious, direct, intimate, and purposeful. :)

    my thought was what the lion knows is to act.

    patricia. patricia. patricia.
    | Posted on 2019-04-29 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

    be careful.

    watch all natural history-related footage of wildebeests and absorb, for they may be slow and cumbersome but from what i have seen D, they are implacable - and remorseless and tough as feck...

    and it's a shame in my view that you haven't given patricia a name in your pom so, all of that aside:

    when i watch you from the long grass


    assuming the position of a lion


    i don't know
    it seems like your boyfriend is a wildebeest...



    | Posted on 2019-04-29 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    your truest people written by Daniel Barlow
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    BlackBerry Bushes written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Dreamt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Don't Tell Me You Love Me written by homeless
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    X written by homeless
    Eyes written by homeless




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]