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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Circle Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Forgiven
    ASL Info:    38/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 337/331/94
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 246
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 730



    Description:
       I feel like I keep living the same situations over and over. I know I control my destiny but I wish I could get out of the circle this life keeps me in..I want to escape


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    dotsCircle Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've not found my way.
    And now it seems the story I had written
    is being used as my definition.

    I cannot live in the circle.
    Always giving and taking back
    How it is I'm the only one who seems to be consistent in its "round".

    I'm so ready to be lost
    but the trails of crumbs bring me back to extinction

    And there's it is,
    the revolving door.

    I have yet to find the reader of the riddles
    everything seems puzzling when no one speaks the same language.
    Yet here I am reading my rhymes to the deaf.

    The words complete my solidarity
    and I will live in this forever...




    Submitted on 2019-05-23 13:59:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Denise :)

    you have a different poetic language from me and I can like that this is sort of organized (like someone's purse, and one, mind you, containing no nefarious objects).

    I like the degree of thought that has gone into this, how the circle is explored, how the poem seems to contradict itself with an 'i cannot' at the start and an 'i will' at the end. Life is not really any kind of vessel we learn to steer but one we learn to live in. :)

    If i have a suggestion (and i do) it's that i believe the poem is stronger in the one analogy, stay within the circle. While i get (and sincerely appreciate) what you are communicating I don't think that the use of a revolving door or the hansel and gretal bread crumbs analogy bring this to its potential. However, i will say that in its entirety the poem made me think of this:

    the pulse and pulse
    of a circle
    trying to escape itself.

    (perimeters)


    to me (the message you manage to convey) is an important one and i could like the poem, because in that image i can see both in the effort to escape and in the inability to escape how the spirit of a thing only becomes stronger. Enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for saying hi, that made my day.

    | Posted on 2019-05-26 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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