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    dots Submission Name: At The Bottomdots

    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 310/245/329
    Words: 32
    Class/Type: Haiku/Death
    Total Views: 256
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 204


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAt The Bottomdots

    Like a fish, rotting
    Decipher all that is known
    In all that exists

    Just lay in the sand
    Bent by a relentless slope
    All the heads will meet

    An end.

    Submitted on 2019-06-02 19:58:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Like a fish, rotting
    Decipher all that is known
    In all that exists

    I think that those lines are perfect. For some reason when i read that i think of the fish on the ocean floor, its essence diluting/spreading, being picked apart. And if you just stayed there, say watching it through a camera lens you would see the dusts of that former living thing and just about every other thing. Excellent.

    Just lay in the sand
    Bent by a relentless slope
    All the heads will meet

    An end.

    I love the first two lines there, placing a passive action next to an aggressive passiveness (or it seems that way) that often escapes the eye.

    There's multiplicity in the ways you can look at this.

    I find i get confounded by writing at times. You think you have a strong line until you hone it and hone it and view it from many angles - you do that - you do have a strong line. Then something else suggests itself, maybe from the emotion you were working with and the brand new thing you created, so now you have two lines, and it's often you have to go back and change the first line again - in order for the two lines to fit.

    It's kinda what i love about writing, it being instinctual - so you never know where you are going.

    So, i say this to you, this is good work. The key ingredient to my mind being a bjork type shssssh requiring one to write less and think more.

    | Posted on 2019-06-04 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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