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Thereâ€™s an art to picking a peach:
The spectrum of color
sunrise to sunset
Spool of thread
Ripe right before rot
Syrup soft under the skin
Today the sun looks like a peach:
Yoke yellow around the shoulders
The cat tongue clouds
Green leaves sprouted at the top
I want to peel you with my teeth, gently
like a peach.
I want to examine the inside of you: Laminin
Lysosome and lyrics-
The longitude of you: arms/eyes/legs/hands/thighs/breasts-
I want to disrobe you-
To free you of all restrictions.
Your skin, soft as summer
Between my teeth.
| I like the reoccurring motif of Summer/Peach/Skin(passion) and how you use all three in (all three) but one of them is the star in each part.|
1. Is the peach. The peach is described and its made akin to Summer, and "your skin"
2. Is Summer (or the Sun). It is likened to the peach in its essence and colors and warmth. And maybe not intentional but you threw in a nice use of *shoulder* to keep this thing well woven.
3. This is the passion. This is where the sensual imagery is the star and the summer and peach imagery is the subtle backdrop.
Maybe you planned it this way, or maybe you were just being guided by the writing gods but I think it was masterfully crafted between the three subjects (The always permeating 'You' character, Summer, and Peaches) and of course we all know enough about women and peaches and Summer to... well you know.
One critique (and this is really, really, critique for critique sake) I thought that in the last part, the use of 'teeth' in the first line and the last line seems a little clunky and hurts the flow. I don't know. Probably not but I am nitpicking.
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|| Posted on 2019-10-08 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ] |