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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Summer of Peachesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.05 - 368/366/171
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 230
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 969



    Description:
       For fun...a quick write about my obsession with peaches this summer.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSummer of Peachesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I.

    There’s an art to picking a peach:

    The spectrum of color
    sunrise to sunset

    Spherical
    Spool of thread

    Weaved filaments
    Yellow/orange/red

    Ripe right before rot
    Syrup soft under the skin



    II.

    Today the sun looks like a peach:
    Yoke yellow around the shoulders
    Red center
    The cat tongue clouds
    Green leaves sprouted at the top

    III.

    I want to peel you with my teeth, gently
    like a peach.

    I want to examine the inside of you: Laminin
    Lysosome and lyrics-

    The longitude of you: arms/eyes/legs/hands/thighs/breasts-

    I want to disrobe you-
    To free you of all restrictions.

    Your skin, soft as summer
    Between my teeth.

    ©️DiCicco Cosentino




    Submitted on 2019-07-25 02:38:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the reoccurring motif of Summer/Peach/Skin(passion) and how you use all three in (all three) but one of them is the star in each part.

    1. Is the peach. The peach is described and its made akin to Summer, and "your skin"

    2. Is Summer (or the Sun). It is likened to the peach in its essence and colors and warmth. And maybe not intentional but you threw in a nice use of *shoulder* to keep this thing well woven.

    3. This is the passion. This is where the sensual imagery is the star and the summer and peach imagery is the subtle backdrop.

    Maybe you planned it this way, or maybe you were just being guided by the writing gods but I think it was masterfully crafted between the three subjects (The always permeating 'You' character, Summer, and Peaches) and of course we all know enough about women and peaches and Summer to... well you know.

    One critique (and this is really, really, critique for critique sake) I thought that in the last part, the use of 'teeth' in the first line and the last line seems a little clunky and hurts the flow. I don't know. Probably not but I am nitpicking.

    * * * * * * * *
    | Posted on 2019-10-08 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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