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    dots Submission Name: Knights of the Old Republicdots

    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    23/M/Columbus, Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 207/277/230
    Words: 238
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 133
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1384


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    dotsKnights of the Old Republicdots

    We lived fantasy before reality caught wind
    Flew black sails before the water to spend
    we were knights before respected and then
    we dropped off like we never were friends

    I remember all the times we lived up
    I remember all the times we lived in
    I carry the best of the natures I can
    and I hope things between us can mend

    I floated on and floated off and floated sin
    and I prayed and I coughed and I fended
    and I tried and I fought and I tended
    but the well is a hell bent around heaven depended
    and I regret most of the time we were pinned in

    You were always tall and tougher than
    the worst of worlds we suffered and
    I think the best is yet to come
    and you've built a life that's envysome

    I hold pride and respect, before the jealous
    knew great things were meant like they would tell us
    you had brains and brawn and the merit to sell it
    I harbor no ill will, and that's a promise

    we were best of friends, and believe I felt it
    that has no end, but strain can quell it
    one day there will be more room to delve it
    this day at noon, was nice and well spent

    take care my brother, friend, and folk
    this life is a wheel and we're the spokes

    Submitted on 2019-10-01 19:09:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You know,

    I love that game. And somehow I immediately thought of the comradery between myself and my old friends (because it is a classic!)

    And therefore your title drives this piece home for me for two reasons...

    1) Nostalgia - It was around time playing that game where my relationships (with now otherwise distant friends) were at their peak and even though life itself was less than favorable, my friendships kept me going.

    2) I know too well the content of this piece and the implications. It is such a bitter sweet thing. Sounds sort of like a growing apart in this scenario.

    The poem itself was good, well structured and the flow was really nice. Some of the same line, 2 or 3 rhymes threw me off a bit (but mostly because its not my exact style). I would have liked to see that fantasy theme be fleshed out a little more, it seems like you abandoned it about midway. I think if you went back and revisited the them of the first two stanzas and found a way to interwork them in the rest of the poem it would work very well.

    Overall, great job!
    | Posted on 2019-10-08 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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