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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: far sighteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cornonthekob
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 672/501/463
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 284
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 796



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfar sighteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    you don't make me feel the way i did
    maybe it's just something i dismiss
    but pieces of that past just do not fit
    i wonder what i do and do not get

    my heart no longer sings the way it did
    i was so naive just like a little kid
    you start to surface in me once again
    i can't relieve this fever from my head

    wouldn't it be sweet to fall in love
    but every time i try push comes to shove
    cuz i can't even fake those pretty words
    trying to just makes my heart grow hurt

    there's little to the fantasy of the day
    the sun won't come to wash it all away
    fragments of the dream will steal my sight
    but that just doesn't mean that i am blind




    Submitted on 2020-03-04 12:27:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
       Excellent piece! I really enjoy the imagery in this. Everything you explain is so easily relatable for many people. You speak very clearly here. Going to favorite this. However, can I suggest adding punctuation and/or reformatting the piece?

    Such as:

    "You don't make me feel
    the way I did.
    Maybe it's just something
    I dismiss.
    But pieces of that past just
    do not fit.
    I wonder what i do and
    do not get.

    My heart no longer sings
    the way it did.
    I was so naive just like
    a little kid.
    You start to surface in me
    once again.
    I can't relieve this fever
    from my head.

    Wouldn't it be sweet to fall in love?
    But every time i try,
    push comes to shove.
    Cause I can't even fake those pretty words.
    Trying to just
    makes my heart grow hurt(worse?).

    There's little to the fantasy of the day.
    The sun won't come to
    wash it all away.
    Fragments of the dream, will(may?) steal my sight.
    But that just doesn't mean
    that I am blind."

    Hopefully this is constructive for you. Sorry, if it doesn't help... I am a grammar Nazi now, lol.

    Anyways, I'm excited to see more from you. Oh, and thank you for your comments on my stuff! Very much appreciated!

    -eggshells
    | Posted on 2020-07-31 00:00:00 | by eggshells | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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