far sighted -------------------------------------------
you don't make me feel the way i did
maybe it's just something i dismiss
but pieces of that past just do not fit
i wonder what i do and do not get
my heart no longer sings the way it did
i was so naive just like a little kid
you start to surface in me once again
i can't relieve this fever from my head
wouldn't it be sweet to fall in love
but every time i try push comes to shove
cuz i can't even fake those pretty words
trying to just makes my heart grow hurt
there's little to the fantasy of the day
the sun won't come to wash it all away
fragments of the dream will steal my sight
but that just doesn't mean that i am blind
Excellent piece! I really enjoy the imagery in this. Everything you explain is so easily relatable for many people. You speak very clearly here. Going to favorite this. However, can I suggest adding punctuation and/or reformatting the piece?
Such as:
"You don't make me feel
the way I did.
Maybe it's just something
I dismiss.
But pieces of that past just
do not fit.
I wonder what i do and
do not get.
My heart no longer sings
the way it did.
I was so naive just like
a little kid.
You start to surface in me
once again.
I can't relieve this fever
from my head.
Wouldn't it be sweet to fall in love?
But every time i try,
push comes to shove.
Cause I can't even fake those pretty words.
Trying to just
makes my heart grow hurt(worse?).
There's little to the fantasy of the day.
The sun won't come to
wash it all away.
Fragments of the dream, will(may?) steal my sight.
But that just doesn't mean
that I am blind."
Hopefully this is constructive for you. Sorry, if it doesn't help... I am a grammar Nazi now, lol.
Anyways, I'm excited to see more from you. Oh, and thank you for your comments on my stuff! Very much appreciated!
Submission Name: far sighted
