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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Everyone's Mountaindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eggshells
    ASL Info:    23/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 31/82/75
    Words: 397
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/The pain inside
    Total Views: 226
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1885



    Description:
       Was listening to some old blues and this kinda spilled out of me. Typed as it came out then did my own spacing/editing code block format. I like how it turned out. Let me know what u think!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEveryone's Mountaindots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm going up a mountain.
    There's no way around it.

    Can't go under.
    Can't go through.

    Up and over's the only way.

    If I had the water,
    I'd wash this all away.

    If I had wings,
    I'd blow it all away.

    But wishes and prayers haven't helped me yet.

    No, dreaming and worrying have yet to do me good.

    So, here I go.
    Over a mountain.
    Up and over I go.

    Won't stop, even though I can.
    No, I won't stop,
    even though you may want me to.

    Here I see houses,
    made by men.

    I see these houses,
    built on dead ends.

    Oh these houses,
    made of red.

    Oh all these houses,
    with no rooms for bed.

    So I hike on,
    I stumble,
    and I fall.

    I get back up,
    trip,
    and hobble on.

    My mind becoming my burden,
    weighing on my shoulders.

    The past licks at my heels,
    while the future moves on ahead.

    The present all below me,
    hard to see.

    I'm going up a mountain.

    Up until,
    down is the only way to go.

    Not knowing if it will be
    easier than before.

    Oh, I'm going up a mountain.

    Up,
    the only way to go.

    The sun is gonna shine,
    the rain is gonna fall,
    and that wind is gonna blow.

    Up and over a mountain.
    Everyone has to go.

    Up and over a mountain.
    Up's the only way to go.




    Submitted on 2020-04-09 00:50:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The main line that stood out to me:

    "But wishes and prayers haven't helped me yet."

    It resonates from the life experiences
    that made me process the thoughts
    that dive into reflections.
    Life might not work on the basis of
    one cannot always get what they want.
    But thoughts a lot of times
    are just visitors that need to see the back door
    and never enter in again.
    These practices, chants, self talks -
    consisting of needs and healings
    can be the catalysts for growth,
    especially when people create burdens
    for themselves.
    Dreaming is put aside when people have
    focal points of making things happen realistically
    while knowing full well
    worrying doesn't truly fix anything.

    As for the description. I highly accept
    what is there and your progression
    into how such a piece was carried out.
    Write. Think later with all the corrections
    be made suitable for those who are given
    the opportunity of tasting.
    So if this is how you normally produce works
    then I will say it is respectable.
    You were content with what was finalized,
    which is important more so than dissatisfaction.

    Side note:
    I think it's best for me to follow the guidelines
    of commentary, with honesty as the flagship.
    Even if it may startle anyone.
    I can safely assume you are someone who
    isn't looking to be coddled.
    I also know how hard it can be for people
    to sit and physically endure shaping themselves,
    into beautiful or rigid literary concepts.

    It's not a problem really;
    To not always describe what a poem is about.
    Even when the definition of vague
    is present. It would be useless to hold you
    accountable for it when I'm guilty of it myself.
    The underlining challenge for the reader
    is to figure it out for themselves,
    with their own mechanism of thinking.
    Even that can be a shot in the dark.

    Then again, based on my blunt messaging.
    I probably should have asked for permission
    this second swing around.


    | Posted on 2020-08-15 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    202625

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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