Betwixt by Daniel Barlow

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Betwixt dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Daniel Barlow
Elite Ratio:	5.94 - 2138/2102/1700
Words:	76

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	326
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1050

Description:

Michellita

Betwixt

-------------------------------------------

          i don't know how to reckon
the condition of feeling like i could
never get enough of you
against the position of feeling like i could
never get enough of you.

there is looking at someone                    loving them.

there is this.

the way a flame can choke while knowing
nothing of breathing.

Submitted on 2020-04-12 07:32:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
the way (that) a flame can choke whil(st) knowing
nothing of breathing. that is quite my kind of line: one that i have an opinion on.

'the way that a flame can choke, whilst knowing nothing of breathing'

that's a poem in its own right, you big girl...

take sunday off.
| Posted on 2020-10-11 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
I love that full stop on the first and second line -

i don't know how to reckon(pause)
the condition of feeling like i could(pause)

Like these lines are completely at ends with each other linguistically and work so well together in thought. You could have used reconcile instead of reckon but you didn't because the way these sentences stop you dead in your tracks works better for the point of the piece.

There is looking at someone (there is unconditionally) loving them.

Honestly, lovely
| Posted on 2020-05-16 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

202635

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.