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As I lay here in the high of snorting pain killers and a medium bottle of sweet apple wine mixed with blue juice
I just want to tell you what rushed through my mind as I listened to the dubstep song of Eyes On Fire

I trailed back to when I was swimming in the ocean
Of 10 feet deep
Hearing the dolphins, or the engines of the boats ringing - I don't know
The times I walked there at the beach at night and saw the rocks reflected in crystal black waters
The nightmares that i've had and the pure insanity of slicing my wrists and face into a joker smile
Of clawing at my skin
Of dropping acid multiple times over the course of 6 months, years before
And the beginnings of my self destruction when I was 12, cutting my wrist for the first time in an orange room with peeling walls and a crucifix overhead

The frivolity of having kissed a boy all through the night only to realize that the Sun had rose

All these memories came rushing to me as I felt most completely the flash back of sinking and rising in the waters, completely sober
When I had balance and stability in my life
The absolution of constant movement- that it's already here

So many memories I could tell you, but so fast as it had come, it was all gone
And I can't stop thinking about how people might think I lie
but I will tell you this

Of all the cosmetic chaos, I have acquired reasoning
And of all the cosmic happenings, I have acquired understanding

That the cosmos have only just begun.

The universe, existence in and of itself is wholly unfathomable
And there are powers beyond what even our Earthly God can see
There is time
Unmeasurable time
Time beyond imaginary numbers, for there is pain
And we are fickle.