Every day I am haunted by what may have occurred.
That when I was 17 I blacked out from chugging rum in the car of my sister's friend, hanging out with them
And woke up at home the next morning, having no recollection.
She told me a story of being in the plaza, and that I passed out in front of a bunch of cops so she had to drag me back into the car.
But when I went to the mental institution, where I believe the psyche dwells
A man says "oh she gave them more than ten minutes" and immediately I think of that.
From being gangraped, unconscious and witnessed by my own mother
To waking up in jail after having visions of the future, noting that my vaginal canal was ripped open
I wonder if my own sister had such an awful will to cause me harm.
I wonder if I woke up in Hell.
Thinking about how she has tried to kill herself and drown the pain away in alcohol
Where is her guilt from? And why can she never look me in the eye?
And why does something so vile
have to make so much sense.