Description: very recent work,incomplete & a rough 1st draft.I figured post it and listen to impressions before i went foward with it...It seems alot of people have been misinterpreting my work on this site,so its probably not what you think.Although i genuinely appreciate everyones individual and unique point of view.just remember whats on the immediate surface isnt allways what your really looking at or seeing!thanx...
realities nostalgic past -------------------------------------------
I know nothing of regret,
or visions in retrospect;
My past is non-existant,
vague pictures in the distance,
that fuel my twisted existance.
A shapeless,chaotic blur,
of materialistic objectional life...
i personally find it difficult to critique something that isn't finished because there are always so many directions you could go in.. but i'm going to try what i'm curious about is how you're going to extend the rhyme scheme here? are you going to keep it going throughout the poem.. because that could result in it sounding forced... the repetition of 'non-existent' and 'existance' kinda jarred for me..
(but again you could pull it off.. this is why i dont critique unfinished poems.. lol... can you tell i'm a gemini?)
anyway.. i really am curious to see what you're going to do with this... (sorry for the crap comment .. i can tell it's totally unfocused but there were one or two things i wanted to point out..)
Submission Name: realities nostalgic past
