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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When I Feel Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 251



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen I Feel Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I feel you,
    I feel you.
    When you're away,
    I wither like flowers
    thrown in a dustbin
    in the July heat.
    I grow so numb
    sometimes I loathe myself
    just to feel.





    Submitted on 2004-02-17 00:27:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Yes, I could feel myself in this one...not in missing someone who is not there, but the self-loathing just to feel. I went through years of self-loathing because to feel anything else was too painful, and to feel nothing was like death.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm... not sure about this one... it seems...somewhat awkward... no, that's not right. It's missing something, I'm not quite sure what. Three inner lines create a wonderful image - "I wither like flowers, thrown in a dustbin, in the July heat" Amazing. The rest... I don't know. Midrange 3, I think. <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-22 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      You maintain your quality of writing in this piece, consistenly good. I like the last thought, "Sometimes..." know where you're coming from.
    | Posted on 2004-02-18 00:00:00 | by DevilDinosaur | [ Reply to This ]
      The first to lines are um... repeatitive, I suggest you change the second line. I dunno, it struck me funny.
    | Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      thinking of the way u have written this i suggest u expand it further........this is feeling .......hence feel free to show more of them.....it is short and sweet .....will like to have it as long and sweet....
    bye
    | Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]


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