Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When I Feel Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 251



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen I Feel Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I feel you,
    I feel you.
    When you're away,
    I wither like flowers
    thrown in a dustbin
    in the July heat.
    I grow so numb
    sometimes I loathe myself
    just to feel.





    Submitted on 2004-02-17 00:27:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yes, I could feel myself in this one...not in missing someone who is not there, but the self-loathing just to feel. I went through years of self-loathing because to feel anything else was too painful, and to feel nothing was like death.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm... not sure about this one... it seems...somewhat awkward... no, that's not right. It's missing something, I'm not quite sure what. Three inner lines create a wonderful image - "I wither like flowers, thrown in a dustbin, in the July heat" Amazing. The rest... I don't know. Midrange 3, I think. <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-22 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      You maintain your quality of writing in this piece, consistenly good. I like the last thought, "Sometimes..." know where you're coming from.
    | Posted on 2004-02-18 00:00:00 | by DevilDinosaur | [ Reply to This ]
      The first to lines are um... repeatitive, I suggest you change the second line. I dunno, it struck me funny.
    | Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      thinking of the way u have written this i suggest u expand it further........this is feeling .......hence feel free to show more of them.....it is short and sweet .....will like to have it as long and sweet....
    bye
    | Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    2032

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Stretto written by saartha
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Genesis written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry