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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Saltwater Lullabydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AtrophyEmpathos
    ASL Info:    19 M California
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 45/55/29
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 951
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 896



    Description:
       I chose words carefully for all their meanings...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSaltwater Lullabydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fingertips,
    hushed brush strokes
    painting love in the starlight.
    Your face,
    soft canvas
    lovelier than any art
    Our hands,
    covenant
    to a secret convergence
    The space,
    between us
    filled with breath from both our lungs
    Now shared,
    from within -
    not a distance but a bond
    Our love,
    luminous
    filling thick and close to bind
    A gap,
    forgotten
    because this all feels so real.
    This poem,
    born tonight
    as it rolled down both our cheeks
    In drops,
    but not tears -
    tiny vessels of rapture.
    These words,
    like droplets
    A Saltwater Lullaby.

    Sleep now,
    my angel
    more precious than my heartbeat.
    Whole beauty,
    held so close
    as I join you in sweet dreams.




    Submitted on 2004-08-08 16:20:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's very interesting the way you write, the title on its own is already very promising and catching...it caught me!:)) ''Painting love in the starlight" - OMG, what beautiful words. What a great imagery! I've got an optional illusion.

    This poem,
    born tonight
    as it rolled down both our cheeks.
    In drops,
    but not tears -
    tiny vessels of rapture.
    These words,
    like droplets
    A Saltwater Lullaby.

    AMAZING!:)
    | Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by Dana | [ Reply to This ]
      u kissed her didnt you? hehe this piece easily forms the image in the reader's mind about whats going on. hold on, then you slept? ok that was a lame joke. but overall it showed intimacy, but still retained the mysterious air that makes a poem so...eeriely mysterious...good work
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by serpentarius | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful. It's like the quiet time in the deep of the night when everyone is asleep but you're awake and just gazing at the person you love, cherishing and adoring in perfect peace.
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an amazing poem...i can def tell that u put a lot of thought into each word u wrote-b/c it is all soe beautiful
    "Sleep now,
    my angel
    more precious than my heartbeat.
    Whole beauty,
    held so close
    as I join you in sweet dreams."
    i love that ending
    great job
    | Posted on 2004-08-08 00:00:00 | by brokenmirror | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very cute, i like it alot. saltwater refuring to a tear thats really cute. i love the last stanza its very sweet. hold this person dear and never let em go, love is the best feeling. good job on this
    | Posted on 2004-08-08 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem,
    born tonight
    as it rolled down both our cheeks.
    A very intimate piece, enjoyable to read...very much so. I love the lines like:

    "tiny vessels of rapture" they just add so much to the piece.
    The lines were so short, but yet still so powerful, thats a very cool effect. I have to so I very much like this piece to, not a favorite...but still very ejoyable to read...
    Thanks for writing

    ~Anarius~
    | Posted on 2004-08-08 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked this. it was really thought out like you had said and had a lot of hear and soul in it. great work. loved it lia
    | Posted on 2004-08-08 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Meaning ful and poignant. Very good. I can tell you thought out each word (like you said you did). A very good poem and I can certainly relate on the line "more precious than my heartbeat". Women have the knack of getting us to care about them more than ourselves. Anyways...I'm rambling...very good job.
    | Posted on 2004-08-08 00:00:00 | by ACircuitShock | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful. The words you chose were so...Un explainable. I loved every bit of it.
    Fingertips,
    hushed brush strokes
    painting love in the starlight.
    Your face,
    soft canvas
    lovelier than any art.
    That was my fav. part. I loved how you used the artwork as a person. This was a very lovely poem. This is going to my fav. list.
    | Posted on 2004-08-08 00:00:00 | by ReiLuna | [ Reply to This ]


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