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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cardiovascular Paperdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Misc/Passion
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 928



    Description:
       Ok so I didnt really like this poem when I wrote it but I spent the weekend with a good friend of mine who really enjoyed the piece, so I decided to post it. She proceeded to tell me how this piece and all the pieces similar in anture are about this one woman though I amy not know who she is yet. She said she hopes I enver find out because I will be consumed by ehr, the thing is my friend is that woman... And though I love her and she knows this and were btoh in relationships...my heart always holds her near....maybe I should tell her that more often.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCardiovascular Paperdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's in the air
    It's at my feet
    The dead still have
    stories to tell

    Immortal words
    can never be silenced
    Don't try to hide your tears
    It had to end sometime

    It's in the air
    It's six feet deep
    The dead still
    remember what love is

    So many years gone by
    A gift to you on paper
    Of wedding vows
    Of an unforgotten beginning

    It's in the air
    It's at your feet
    tears for the dead
    who always loved you

    The words of the dead
    you'll always hear
    Immortalized within
    your unconscious mind

    It'll be in the air
    when I'm six feet deep
    Though this be
    the last thing you read
    I'll never stop writing
    my heart onto paper
    for only you




    Submitted on 2004-08-09 00:02:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WOW...this was really diffrent but a good diffrent...i don't know if i'd say longing it seems to me more of just love passion...feeling so strongly about this person...and its a weird setting though ...the talk of the dead...but that i thought as expressing how much love you'll still have for her when you die because love never dies...this read wasn't akward it gave me this weird feeling when i read it though i can't describe what...and i love the title...its perfect...
    smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-08-13 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      im gonna tell you the truth here, okay, so be ready from what the first thing was you said in your decription:

    i really, really, really enjoied this. really. i think its got the guts and beauty of all the other stuff you write but at the same time its not "like" them. this woman has a hold on you, you talk about "dead still have stories to tell"...that means to me that when and if you ever died you'd still want her to know...that you're indulged in her. its like, see, i'm still here...you can still have a chance to love me...

    i like a few of your lines, about the haunt of it all:
    It's in the air
    It's six feet deep...
    ~
    It'll be in the air
    when I'm six feet deep
    Though this be
    the last thing you read...
    ~
    those are absolutely two of the most wrenching lines/stanzas i thik i've read in awhile...this woman, man...i dunno. i know a lot of your stuff is about "a woman", but this one...its like, giving in to it...all the others seem more dreamlike. this one's like what you actually would say if you were face to face and there were no other boundaries...i can see tears on the paper...i'm glad for you that yo ugot to spend time with her this weekend. i'm not glad that you're both in relationships! too bad, this could be straight outta a Tolkien love...beginnings of time, talkin Silmarillion here...okay i'll let ya go for now. this is awesome, really blew me away, diff. from what i expected. nice job, don't try to escape the love, bro. you're not gonna be six feet deep for a long time...! ~april
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]
      "The dead still have
    stories to tell"
    .. excellent excellent line! i love that...
    and the last 3 lines.. those are the parts that really stood out for me in this poem.

    overall i think this is great..bilal is right.. there's a strong sense of longing in the poem..
    life's too short to give up on feelings like this..
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      most likely she has a feeling of the woman u r writing about, but conformation has to come from ur side.
    nicely written
    i feel longing in this poem
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by bilal anaim | [ Reply to This ]


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