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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jamaicadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redthewitch
    ASL Info:    36/f/tiny rural village
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 267/175/26
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 467



    Description:
       I went to Jamaica once.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJamaicadots
    -------------------------------------------


    The day I left the beach
    last hours waiting
    sipping slipping paradise
    trying to hang on
    twilight birdsong
    men selling conch shells
    from rocking boats
    during breakfast
    Finally, flying high
    above the setting sun
    golden-bright
    fields of sugarcane
    blazing below
    I went to heaven
    without a camera
    now those days
    are memories
    skewered on paper umbrellas




    Submitted on 2004-08-09 10:55:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like your memory of jamaica,
    and you almost make me wish I was there.
    I like your poem too.
    You have a way with words.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2007-08-30 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked everything about this, but I want more. I still don't feel like I was there with you yet. Does that make any sense? It is like there is nothing wrong with this, but more would be better. I know you saw more than you are telling. Where are the smells? What else did you see? You showed me a boat rocking but no water. What color was the water? Was it clear, opaque? And a Jamaican sunset? Surely it must look different than my Michigan sunsets, no? Did you taste anything? Those cold salty lime and lemony drinks? The ones that sweat tears down the glass in the afternoon sun?
    Just wondering.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-08-11 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      i like ur stuff... im going to have to read more... im sorry i havent checked yet, but, do you do stories? im sure they'd be very visual, and well written. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by WD20x2 | [ Reply to This ]
      You were really descriptive in this poem and it gave me a clear view of everything. Nice use of imagery. I really enjoyed reading it, I miss the beach now!
    Jan
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked this. the way you made it sound makes me really want to go there and just lay on the beach and never leave. great job lia
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]


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