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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In the Airdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 709
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 243



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn the Airdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I felt you in the air yesterday
    for even the atmosphere salutes your presence.
    Perhaps the particles cling to your essence
    and hold it there like a forcefield
    for me to pass through
    tingling with electricity.




    Submitted on 2004-08-09 13:57:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ha ha! This one is really great! Especially the punchline! What can I say - again you used those phenomenoms very well, I wonder myself, where do you get those genious metaphors from? Excellent.
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      stupid little things can remindes us someone we love. I like this piece very much. it has an dark and a little bit dangerous vibe for me like the minutes before a thunderstorm breaks loose. electricity remindes me of lightning, perhaps cause we have a lot of thunderstorms lately (it's very close and hot these days). anyway great piece, really good images. very well done.
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I knew you wouldn't need any prompting from me to come up with something good.

    Here is a spin I like, changing the voice ever so slightly,

    I felt you in the air yesterday
    Even the atmosphere salutes your presence
    The particles cling to your essence
    hold it there like a forcefield
    For me to pass through
    Tingling with electricity

    Or not.
    Great use of imagery, the reader can feel the static run over his skin.
    Congrats,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this little love piece, it's electrifying, this was a good piece, and realistic, cause when you lost a someone you love the simplest of things can remind you of them lika a cologne they used to wear,mmm. i liked this piece, nice job.
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by latykim | [ Reply to This ]
      oooo, this one made me all tingly inside! sounds like a bit of static electricity in the air... is this paul?! i can just imagine you with your hair straight up on end with the static, you know, like when you rub a balloon on your head and then hold it away from your head so your hair stands up>! lol! very nicely said, Amy! i like this one, a lot!
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      You're in love with a bug zapper! Sorry, that was stupid. You state things so concisely and straightforward tht I have a hard time commenting. Um, good write?
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. this one drew me right in right from the first line to the last. great job i really love the word choice and think that you did an excelent job lia
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me of the theory of why ghosts exist (i say they dont, but still) anyways, it was good, and i think u were saying that u feel somebody's essance when there not there, because their aura is so strong. Am i right?
    | Posted on 2004-08-09 00:00:00 | by WD20x2 | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt you in the air...that is such a nice thought. Did you ever get goosebumps for no reason at all and then suddenly the thought of someone pops into your mind? That is what this reminded me of.

    Walking through their presence, forcefield of elctrical chills. How pleasant and tingly this all sounds.
    | Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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