Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Fumes of Reality

Author: Voodoo_Lounge
ASL Info:    21/F/OH
Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 408 /588 /171
Words: 64
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 901
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 424


just some thoughts

Fumes of Reality

You wake up in the morning,
Hope lights inside your eyes.
Reality breathes it's rancid fumes,
And a part inside you dies.
Everyday we wake to this,
This pending sense of doom.
And realize it's all useless
Before we even leave the room.
Memories so hypnotic,
There is no room for rest.
If this is a cosmic joke
I can't see the jest.

Submitted on 2004-02-17 20:46:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Hm... nice. I liked this in an odd sort of way. Short, but good that way.
| Posted on 2004-02-18 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this very much, good imagery, good emotion. my favorite line is "memories so hypnotic" because memories definately can be hypnotic, ive just never heard it said before.

f*ck being [censored]
| Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]
  Now this one i like. Lots of original imagery and a emotional space everyone can relate to at one time or another.The title and the last 2 lines are just super, and the rest is pretty damn good. Thanks, silver
| Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the line "Reality breathes it's rancid fumes." I think I failed the test too. This is great .
| Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I think anyone could relate with this poem. I too am in love with the last two lines. I wake up and I think " noo dreams are so much better."
| Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]
  Very direct. Rhymes well. Great rhythm and structure. (Tripping over line 8 though...)
Liked the poem a lot. Liked the last two lines immensely.

and... i know how you feel. for a long time, the first thing i wanted to do after waking up was to die... not any more! because i finally got the cosmic joke. i can't tell you about it. no one can - you gotta discover it for yourself. there's one book that might help - Siddharta by Herman Hesse. read it and let me know what you think...
| Posted on 2004-02-17 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?