[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: final lessondots

    Author: brokenbatman
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 475/233/44
    Words: 2010
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 943
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 10617

       working on a story line that has a lot of sticking points, need all the help I can get please be honest and construtive if you can, thank you for your time

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfinal lessondots

    Final Lesson
    At a frantic pace two figures emerge from the castle door at a dead run. It is the twin brothers and they look serious. As they slide to a stop it is easy to see the aged lines on their once youthful faces. Whatever transpired behind that door definitely took it’s toal on these two remarkable men. Maybe a trick of the light but it is evident that the word boy does not befit these to any longer. The look on their faces shows the displeasure they feel at the sight before them. The war has started.
    A vast mob of fighting soldiers and common people alike expand in front of the castle blocking the sure escape of the twins. The roar of the clanging steel and moans of the wounded are strong enough to overpower any rational train of thought one might have. The horrible deeds men transgress upon each other during war times are picking up steam. The emotions of men bent on destruction fill the air and acts of horridness portrayed before each soldiers eyes seems to fuel the fire of insanity. If no stop to this conflict is found immediately there will be no hope for peace.
    The twins are a powerful force of nature so the rules of the common man do not necessarily apply to them as they do everyone else. Keith screams above the noise, “This is what we were trying to keep from happening. If we don’t stop it our efforts will be a total waste. This is why we are here so let’s make the change now before it is too late.”
    “It is already too late for that. The raw energy of this battle is overwhelming me. I am taking in to much energy, don’t know if I can contain it much longer” answers Kevin In a trembling voice. In just a few moments he has started to tremble.
    “Hold on, man you can’t let this thing control you. That is what this is all about. You are better than the others that is why you alone have made it this far. Kevin! Listen to me!” screams Keith. He fears his pleas have fallen onto deaf ears because Kevin seems to be elsewhere.
    An empty stare is emblazoned across his face that seems entranced by the endless scene of conflict before him. Keith is aware of Kevin’s ability to channel the emotions of others into a strange source of strength. In turn the absorption of so much negative energy might in turn prove to have a volcano like effect on Kevin’s mind. His whole life Keith has attempted to help his brother hide from potentially disastrous situations like this to help him better to learn to strengthen his will power, in fear of corruption from within. Keith screams again, “We were raised better than this! It is not too late! There is another way! Just find the right road!”
    At the sound of these words Kevin’s mind opens an age old folder in his memory, long forgotten. A bearded man is telling the boys to stay away from the tree to protect them from something. They are in a small clearing in a wooded area with beautiful green trees and a lake just down a small hill. A humming noise is making it very hard to hear the bearded man. What is he saying imperative that Kevin knows. A desperate feeling of being left out starts to overwhelm him and then the bearded man stops and turns away from the boys looks directly at Kevin and gently says, “ It will be fine breathe deep and look a little closer.” Then the bearded man turns back to the boys and continues his lecture.
    “Was he talking to me? What the, HE couldn’t have been… This is just a memory right? He said look closer. Hmmmm, why not?” So Kevin walks over to the tree and looks inside. Oh now it is clear, a huge tree hollowed out and filled with honey bees. “The tree is filled with bees but what does this have to do with me?”
    The boys are listening as if they were at a church revival, soaking up every word as if spoken by angels. The man stops speaking and looks towards Kevin and slowly shakes his head from side to side. “Boy I thought I raised you better than this. Use your mind and make me proud. Figure it out and do the right thing.”
    The smallest of the boys speaks up and said “Sonny I don’t think he remembers. Can I help him just a little?”
    Sonny smiled a proud smile “Little britches you do what you think is right. Help yourself find the light before it’s too late.” Then turned back to the other boys and continued on like nothing had happened.
    The small boy said “It is O.K. I get scared all the time. Like this tree here, it was making a funny noise. Didn’t know what why it was humming so we all went to get Sonny over there. We figured he had been around long enough to figure it out.”
    Kevin realizes he is looking at his younger self, probably around 7 old he would guess. Then interrupts and says that is great but how is this supposed to help me?”
    The younger Kevin says “If you can hang on for a minute I will tell you.” The little guy reaches into the tree and carefully pulls out a piece of the bee hive, taking extra precaution not to disturb the bees to much.
    Kevin gets nervous afraid the bees will attack and sting them all to death. “Are you crazy? Those bees will tear you apart they will sting you and kill you and leave you for dead! Leave them alone.”
    Little Kevin smiles at big Kevin and sucks some honey off of his fingers. With a huge smile he says, “Those bees are a lot like anger you know. If you keep them bottled up inside they won’t hurt anyone but they won’t make any honey either. If you let them out they may stir up some trouble now and again but they don’t really ever hurt anyone now do they. You just got to have the confidence to reach down deep inside and pull a little bit out. When it is all said and done look at how sweet it can be for you and the bee.” Then he handed big Kevin a piece of the honey cone and they licked the honey together. Looking at his younger self he realized how pure he had been before he had realized his power. Almost brought a tear to his eye to see the hope filled eyes of his self eating a simple honey cone.
    “Kevin! Answer me! Don’t give in! We can do this!” that’s Keith screaming.
    Kevin says “I know what to do now. Don’t worry.”
    He steps away from the castle and takes a deep breath and lets it out. He starts to walk into the fray and is stopped by a tug at his arm. It is Keith, he grabs Kevin hugs him tight like brothers do. The holds him at arms length and says, “This is all you; you do this, nothing I can do now to hide what you got. You go take care of business the way Sonny raised us.” With a smile Keith pushes Kevin towards the carnage.
    Kevin yells back “You better go back inside the castle and watch from a window were you will be safe.”
    Keith yells back “O.K. but what are you going to do?”
    Kevin gives a smile and says “Don’t worry I am just going to let out a few bees.”
    He turns into the fray and Keith losses sight of him for a few moments. Fearing the worst he gets out his binoculars to search the battlefield. After a brief retrace of the entrance line Kevin used Keith zeroed in on his brother making his way the center of the battlefield. “He doesn’t seem to be touching anyone, making no attempt to stop any of these testosterone filled lunatics. What is he going to do?”
    Kevin has now reached the highest location of the fight. He was looking for the strongest feed from the crazed mob surrounding him. The hatred, anger, and murderous cravings engulf him. A mere fraction of this level of emotional charge would have sent him convulsing a few weeks ago but now he is ready to be juiced. He reaches deep inside his mind and locks onto the incoming force. The waves of emotion crash into him like those of the ocean but he stands firm like a rock in the desert. The energy is filling him so fast he fills the earth start to tremble beneath him and knows it is time. Like the stone arms he found sticking out of the sand he raises his above his head. Amazed as he watches the glow of the emotional cloud he is creating channel from himself into the sky above his head swirling uncontrollably like a powerful storm cloud. Now forming the final shape of a mushroom cloud, the scene can be seen for miles around but not one engaged in the art of war around him realize what it is. Almost in unison the mob turns towards Kevin and close rapidly in an attempt to stop him. Kevin smiles finally they are working as one, and then he slams his arms to his sides just as the crowd closes in.
    Keith sees a mushroom cloud the size of a three story building collapse in on itself just as the crowd engulfs his brother. A blue light spreads from that spot like a ripple on the surface of a pond. Violently knocking all on their asses as it passes. The Light hits the wall of the castle and shakes the foundation. Vision obscured by the smoke in the air Keith put his thoughts into words “Oh no, no, they got him!”
    Keith runs down the castle steps, out the door, and onto the battlefield. Taking heed as he goes running amongst all of the dazed soldiers and warriors alike as they slowly stir and pull themselves to their feet he notices a different look in their eyes. The blast seems to have jarred them to their collective senses. Reaching the spot was he last saw Kevin he stops shocked at what he sees.
    Standing before him in a ragged shirt is his brother standing tall, unscathed and looking strong again. “I thought you were…” Keith starts.
    Kevin smiles “No for you my brother I was a hero.” Hugging his brother he says “I just gave them a taste of what they were giving me. But I toned it down a bit to keep from killing them.”
    “It sure as hell knocked the fight right out of them.” said Keith excitedly.
    “Just gave them a chance to think about what they were doing to each other. That stop things from escalating and helped kill the hatred. Only one problem now.” says Kevin in a sad voice.
    “What do you mean, things will get better now. It is all over these people were never the monsters Bob made them to be. They were just acting out under his control.” said Keith.
    “That’s not what I meant. I was referring to me. Now I am a threat, everyone here saw me; they all know what I am capable of. They will never allow me to go on the way it used to be. Brother that’s not even close to what I can do. I just reached down deep inside and it was, well easy.” said Kevin in a serious tone.
    “It is time for all threats to end.” And with that Kevin turned and disappeared into the crowd of bewildered men helping each other up and tending to the wounded.

    Submitted on 2004-08-12 03:52:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]