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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vers Libredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 33
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 599
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 196



    Description:
       I was just playing around with the words "free verse."


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVers Libredots
    -------------------------------------------


    I set the words free
    from the prison of my head
    and hope with their departure
    that my mind releases more
    like a machine gun
    and none of them are blanks.




    Submitted on 2004-08-15 04:02:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Vers Libre in french means towards freedom. However I did not realise that you could free bullets from a machine gun! Completely overturned my expectations and I am amazed by how often you seem to be able to do that.
    I agree with the "none of them are blanks" line, as, we all don't want our work to end up what we usually consider under our own standards.
    Continue this trend. I will continue reading.
    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-02-03 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the new photo! And I love the title of this piece. The only thing that bugged me, and it's rare that I can say anything bugs me about your work, was the line "That my mind releases more like a gun." My problem was that I ran the phrase together, using "more like" as an adverb-adjective pair. It releases more like a gun? More like a gun than what? I stumbled a moment before realizing that you meant you hope your mind releases more, like a gun. A simple comma here identifies this as a simile and not an adjective: "That my mind releases more, like a gun." The piece itself, as usual is light and colorful, and short enough to take in with one breath, and hold that breath in for a minute to roll it around in the mind for a while.
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      i hope you don't get a headache from those bullets coming out of your head! lol! just kidding. this is interesting, your words like bullets flying out of your head, hoping that they will mean something and not just be "blanks." very clever!
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of the bible verse saying thy words are sharper then a two edged sword! yeah any word on a paper has the POWER to cut deep into the soul of any one.nice write. Heh you sure don't say much, but what you do say is power packed.
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It was short and sort of jagged, but in a good way. I love the imagery of a gun shooting. This was an interesting piece
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      we all wish for writing something with meaning that stucks in people's heads. good playing around with 'free verse'. the french title is a nice touch. well done, Amy.
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very well done, and exactly what I like about free verse, its amazing what pops out of the mind, or rattles out more like it. None of these are blanks I assure.
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by Bee | [ Reply to This ]
      It's true that sometimes that when the thoughts are released they come rushing out in a staccato burst. Sometimes they are duds and sometimes we are able to nail down exactly how we feel.

    You did well in staying within one theme throughout the piece... prison, guns, release, freedom, blanks...
    | Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]


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