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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Drowned By Smokedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Thornful Rose
    ASL Info:    23-female-California
    Elite Ratio:    3.74 - 136/183/41
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 426
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1636



    Description:
       A poem dedicated to the desicration of ones drugged heart.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDrowned By Smokedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Records circlingnoise making needles
    Projecting principals placed in persice lyrics
    Minds spinning above average attempts at conversation,
    as topics float rapidily within a single communication.
    Thoughts meandering unable to obtain only one concept.
    Pupils enlarged as lungs expand only to exhale.
    Crystals melt inside glass seductively smoking,
    sucked in next by meaningless mouths.
    Passing throats that once were innocent and unburned,
    creeping deep inside as lung capacity is excerted.
    Simply leaving now poisoned bodies,
    without a desire to sleep, eat and live.
    Arguing pointless perceptions on unnecessary comments previously stated,
    driven to grasp eachothers ideals as they wrap tightly through spinsters skulls.
    Weaving in one nostril and out a wide eye raped by sleepless nights.
    Pinned to each heart is a reminder,
    "The captain must go down with the ship."
    As slowly this organ begin sinking still beating,
    into seas of self medication by means of illegal substances.
    The waters are blue from lack of oxygen rather than like those murals painted onto walls.
    Here clear shards replace warm sand,
    the sun disappears unable to witness such death.
    Unable to view the drowning taking place in the cold blue liquid.
    The music stops yet the night continues into day,
    with hearts at the bottom of tainted waters.
    Where your heart was smoke fills the void.
    drowned in drug habbits,
    heartless and lonely for only you stayed on the ship.




    Submitted on 2004-08-15 08:43:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is an anti-drug poem, yes? Again, I think it's good, and again, I think it lacks subtlety. But then, not everyone's so finickity about subtlety as I am. It's 'habits' not 'habbits'… I think you could make it read more coherently… It feels slightly over-written at the moment.

    Becky
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      This joint was right in the beginning. It lost all cohesion towards the end. I was no longer sure what you were talking about. I don't know many crack or ice heads, but this sounded like it was written by somebody intoxicated - but by weed maybe. And it was obviously written about people intoxicated - but thas about all I got
    shard
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]



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