Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tragedy I Presumedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kjb
    ASL Info:    21/male/NY
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 256/351/64
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 321
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1531



    Description:
       first in a long time my fellow elite members enjoy, i hope.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTragedy I Presumedots
    -------------------------------------------


    stir the brew as the cat purrs
    creation held at a finger tip
    all he is thinking is "what was her name?"
    the mood is never right
    he grows weary
    couldn't sleep and moments wouldn't fade
    the sun was waneing
    all he saw was a frown
    and a torn letter
    only a couple blood droplets left on the floor
    he tried but failed
    tried again till the wounds were only holes
    small ponds
    where his guilt should be
    his heart lies motionless
    sleepless
    hopeless
    guiltless
    only wanted happiness
    he searched for happiness thats all he wanted
    "don't search so hard because pain is all too easy to find." says all
    he continued
    now the brew boils
    the cat stopped purring
    awhile ago
    but he kept petting
    even though it was only a mahagony table
    runs his fingers through his hair
    he turns around
    the body still lays there
    he nudges it with his big toe
    "that's too bad" he mumbles under his exhausted breath.
    as he falls on top of her chest
    he closes his eyes
    in one sweet, slow motion
    one tear falls next to the blood droplets
    "she is breathing." he thought
    "But that's still too bad."

    That one swing changed his life.
    That one hook swallowed his humantiy.
    When she wakes, he dies.





    Submitted on 2004-08-15 19:32:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like the somewhat vagueness of this write... its not really clear what is going on... not really really anyways... but the feel of it... the distance of it... like someone is quite removed from the piece... whether its the reader/writer/boy i dont know... maybe its all three... i dunno... its very well done though... i really like it. has a very romeo and juliet feel to it too though im sure you prolly were aware of that already awesome write!
    | Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Made me feel like it's a reindition of Romeo and Juliet. Yet, it's so sad...I'm not sure I completely understand what the guy did. What I'm thinking though is something that only I would think. *rolls eyes* It's just interesting to see the viewpoint from the guy if it's what I'm thinking.
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhythm is great.

    "couldn't sleep and moments wouldn't fade"

    "tried again till the wounds were only holes
    small ponds
    where his guilt should be"

    Thems some powerful words, lol. I really like the imagery and the ending.
    | Posted on 2004-08-15 00:00:00 | by Candibat | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.