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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Busydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Judy
    Elite Ratio:    3.75 - 579/569/93
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 488
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 386



    Description:
       my brother's school schedule is PACKED. he's become too busy to breathe...



    This is what he had to say about it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBusydots
    -------------------------------------------


    My friends say I'm too busy to breathe
    A most elegant turn of phrase.
    As description of my life -- most apt,
    For breath does not my hunger praise.

    For we are creatures of the fortunes
    The fates mockingly our names do call
    Why bother breathing, laugh the sisters
    If you're just a brick in the wall

    - Pete




    Submitted on 2004-02-18 21:19:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You might want to revise that last line to the exact Pink Floyd lyric -- "If you're just another brick in the wall". It evens out the last line and makes it a perfect reference to the song and its connotations on the pressures of education. Peace, Occam.
    | Posted on 2004-03-13 00:00:00 | by Occam | [ Reply to This ]
      Talent! If he weren't so busy, I'd yell at him to get on this site, but his life is nutso busy already, so I won't. This is well crafted. I like both stanzas, actually, including the last line... sometimes referring to a song is a good thing, and obviously it worked, three people recognized it. Good write! <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-01 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL jsut goes to show you ask to different people and you get two different answers. Put pressure on the third guy...lmbo. Pete really has a pretty good poem here. As for the last line, sometimes a cliché or song reference is the way to go because they encompass everything it stands for in a short sentence. Tell Pete he did a good job especially given the poems length.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-02-18 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      I personally like the 1st stanza better. It contains a lot of old style language, which is always interesting. The only line that I don't really like, just because of its previous use, is the last one...pink floyd lyric.
    | Posted on 2004-02-18 00:00:00 | by legalinsane | [ Reply to This ]



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