Description: this is a poem, thart ive bee trying to write for a long time beause i was frustrated, i coulnt get the ideas t sound right, hope youguys like it
My Thoughts Revealed -------------------------------------------
Sitting here alone in my room
Listening to the soft hum of music tunes...
With the lyrics piercing my heart...
Blurring my vision are tears in my eyes...
Trying to hide my fear in disguise
Sitting here...thinking and dreaming
About you..
You don't seem to hear me when I say this
You won't disappoint me at all
You don't know how happy you'll make me
But...if ur not happy being with me..
Then i have no other choice but to set u free
And I'll do that...I'll do that for you because..
I Love You
Yes, I want to be with you
I don't want you to get hurt again...
All I want is to see you happy...
I'll give up my own feelings
Even though I know my heart will be torn
I'll do that...I'll exchange mine for your's..
I'll do that...I'll do that for you because..
I Love You...
~ Always -and- Forever ~
sad solem but true to love its self. it does sound finely tuned it is a good one and i think you did get it to sound right. i like it mostly because it seems to ring truer and purer than other poems about love that seem to rant and vent.
i agree with my friend death22881. but i do like ur piece its great. writeing is talent and we all have it.. just dont stop doing what u love. i learned that today.. i really like it
I like this. Because it pushes aside any selfishness that often ccomes along with love. I love how you've written that you'd practically do anything to makee them happy, even though it hurts you. In the comment before this one, when they said that others want us to be happy as long as it means being happy with them, and then it all changes; they were refering to the poem "Farewell" that I wrote. You're welcome to read it if you'd like. It's kind of written opposite of yours, from the other point of view. Anyway nice job.
This one is a bit sugary and fluffy, but I don't doubt the feelings you have when writing this. I could almost picture a person by the radio, cranking out some good tunes, and writing this to the person you were describing.
My suggestion would be to make it more elaborate. Tell us about this person that broke their heart. How you'd do all that you said. I think that'd give this piece a ton more of weight to it. ~Aaron
Submission Name: My Thoughts Revealed
