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    dots Submission Name: In Raindots

    Author: Belle De Jour
    ASL Info:    24/Female/Inside
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 335/367/53
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1041
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 512

       This is in the Tanka form, which is 3 stanzas with the count of 5,5,5,7,7. :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Raindots

    Standing in the rain
    Your touch warms my blood
    I melt in your hand
    You take me with your soft breath
    Kissing sweetness from my lips

    I could remain here
    Content in your arms
    Rain continues on
    With each drop blessing our love
    The moon reflects, as we shine

    Our eyes meet and speak
    Whispers of found love
    Our heart beats align
    Lips meet, happiness sparks fire
    Rain ceases as we burn on

    Submitted on 2004-08-18 09:50:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i really like ur piece.. my self i love the rain and i find it highly romantic if ur out in it with the one u love.. i really like it alot and hope u keep writeing... ITS REALLY GOOD
    | Posted on 2004-08-18 00:00:00 | by natasha | [ Reply to This ]
      how sweet! i also love the rain and i love to play in it. i always thought that being with the one you love in a rain shower would be one of the most romantic scenes ever. you portryed it nicely. i could really see it happening!
    | Posted on 2004-08-18 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really romantic. And to me, descriptive. I could see your words. Setting the poem in the rain was a nice touch. Nice piece.
    | Posted on 2004-08-18 00:00:00 | by silver shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Definitly a romantic part of you is showing in this. I love how you painted your own picture with words. It's jsut such a lovely thought, kissing in the rain. Hmm...now you got me all lovey and sentimental, thanks. The wording was nice, and I like the touch you put on everything you write. I'm just wondering what was your inspiration for this piece? What made you feel so light as to write a touching piece? ...I'm in love with this. Great work dear friend!
    | Posted on 2004-08-19 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      Holy crap.
    This is flawlessly crafted.
    Every syllable is perfect.
    You've done the Tanka style a great honor and presented its beauty in a most artistically inclined way.
    Too bad this is horribly boring.
    Rain fall, whispers, love, soft breath, sweetness of your kiss.
    There is absolutly NOTHING of interest here that hasn't already been done to death.
    If you wrote this when you were 6, I would be impressed.
    You got the format perfect...
    But it seems as though you've failed in every other aspect of writing than syllables...which is alot.
    I'm glad these simpletons are impressed...because I sure aint.
    (Not bad for attention deficit disorder huh?)
    I really did give this a chance, but with my disorder, I look for something new, all the time.
    This set me back.

    | Posted on 2004-08-24 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      huh!...rubs eyes and stretches...sorry the rain always puts me to sleep and so did this poem...though the tanka form is ...but the words...why if your going to put all this effort would you write about a subject so over used...making it sound like a fourteen year old...doing a project for english class...as she writes with her pink pencil...her boyfreinds name written on her hands, notebook and whatever else ...and she sqeals thinking of how he kissed her and said i love you for the first time even though he just really wants in her pants...so she sits and thinks of him why she writes...how romantic...ange
    | Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch...that'll leave a mark!
    See? I'm not THAT bad, hehe.
    Seriously though, it was well written, althought I don't little about the form, it is pleasant and sings well...but purple is right in saying that if your going to put that much time and effort into the form, give us something...i dunno...else!
    | Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]

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