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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Seaside Suicide pt. 2dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brunov68
    ASL Info:    22/M/Toronto
    Elite Ratio:    4.34 - 311/320/30
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 416
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 727



    Description:
       This would surely make more sence if you read the first, if interested, follow the story and see what comes of it. Suggestions for this or any other part always welcome!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeaside Suicide pt. 2dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Not a thing was left to ponder
    will to parish growing stronger,
    hesitating then no longer
    I wend to a bridge that cut the sky.
    In the heights I was found standing
    building courage, I stood the railing,
    fear and anguish in me scaling,
    hands shaking, lips dry.
    As I stared down to the sea
    awaiting to throw myself to die.

    Just before bleaching with anger
    from a far there came a stranger-
    screaming, warning me of danger
    displaying a certain sence of sly.
    Carefully I took myself to turning
    bloody tears, eyes were burning,
    without a word I sat there yearning,
    while weeping, she asked me why.




    Submitted on 2004-08-20 17:38:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      " I stood the railing" this dont make much sense i think if you changed it to there then it would make it a little more dramatic. other then that is part seemed pretty cool.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by wretched_muse | [ Reply to This ]
      that definitely gives something to think about...I don't know if it's based on personal experience,sounds like it is,at least regarding the feelings.I'll read the first part to find out...can't wait for part 3!
    | Posted on 2004-08-20 00:00:00 | by lanza13 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way this verse is written. The rhyme scheme does not at all seemed force. I read part one first and I just wanted to say, "Keep up the great work."
    | Posted on 2004-08-20 00:00:00 | by Thornful Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i like ur poem. in just a few lines you were able to compress all the emotions needed to envoke the mood of the poem. The scenery can also be seen through your choice of words and how it was arranged. Good work! Keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2004-08-21 00:00:00 | by solitary_cross | [ Reply to This ]
      "Carefully I took myself to turning
    bloody tears, eyes were burning,"

    I especially like these lines. Again you did a great job on this. It has a great flow and wonderful choice of words.
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by smiling death | [ Reply to This ]
      it is ok. i don't care for the ending but there is a sequal. but it is a little confusing. but if you read it a couple times it is actually really good! i like it a lot. though it is not your best one at all.
    ~Shadow
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]



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