This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Apollo's Kiss

Author: Memphis
ASL Info:    21/f/Right Here
Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 130 /158 /31
Words: 48
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1556
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 284


A little short one I wrote a couple of days ago. Any commentary is welcome (thoughts, ideas, advice... anything you feel like giving.)

Apollo's Kiss

Kiss the hands of the Broken Man.
And he might have pity on you.
Telling him your story will have no such effect.
Because words cannot express the sorrow held in a kiss.
Memory falters when faced with the past.
But the branding of a kiss is perfect.

Submitted on 2004-08-20 19:35:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I may be completely out on a limb here, but this piece brings to mind the story of Hyacinth. The title "Apollo's kiss" tells me that Apollo is the one kissing the broken man. Apollo felt responsible for Hyacinth death form what appears to be a broken neck. Apollo then created a flower, that carried the same name as the fallen lover, from the blood that was spilt.
This piece had me invisioning Apollo on his knees kissing hyacinth hoping that his love will bring back his love.
A sad story, an intersting poem.
Thanks for sharing,
| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  This short piece is deceptively deeper than it appears.

1) Did the protagonist break this broken man? If thats the case then it appears your saying that no explanation will measure up to a sympathetic kiss. Thus thats the only way he will believe your sorrow.

2) The broken man having seen more sorrow than you ever could have, no story you tell will draw out his sympathy, yet just a simple kiss would be more sincere.

Just a couple of ways I tried to interprete your piece. It was definitely interesting to read.

One suggestion I have would be to revise this in a less abstract/symbolic form and see what it looks like with your exact points in plain view. I think that somewhere inbetween this really beautiful heavy symbolic piece and a straight-forward design would lie a perfect happy medium.

Thats pure speculation. This is good writing. Hope my input has helped.

mister fizzle
| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
  This is so true. Words are just words,some stronger than others. But it is actions like a simple kiss that contain power. Nice work.
| Posted on 2004-08-20 00:00:00 | by Thornful Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  so simple so short so true. it is very short but very heart filled and emotional for the readers. i liked it. escpecially the first line. 'kiss the hand of a Broken Man'
| Posted on 2004-08-20 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?