Description: A little short one I wrote a couple of days ago. Any commentary is welcome (thoughts, ideas, advice... anything you feel like giving.)
Apollo's Kiss -------------------------------------------
Kiss the hands of the Broken Man.
And he might have pity on you.
Telling him your story will have no such effect.
Because words cannot express the sorrow held in a kiss.
Memory falters when faced with the past.
But the branding of a kiss is perfect.
I may be completely out on a limb here, but this piece brings to mind the story of Hyacinth. The title "Apollo's kiss" tells me that Apollo is the one kissing the broken man. Apollo felt responsible for Hyacinth death form what appears to be a broken neck. Apollo then created a flower, that carried the same name as the fallen lover, from the blood that was spilt. This piece had me invisioning Apollo on his knees kissing hyacinth hoping that his love will bring back his love. A sad story, an intersting poem. Thanks for sharing, -Chell-
This short piece is deceptively deeper than it appears.
1) Did the protagonist break this broken man? If thats the case then it appears your saying that no explanation will measure up to a sympathetic kiss. Thus thats the only way he will believe your sorrow.
2) The broken man having seen more sorrow than you ever could have, no story you tell will draw out his sympathy, yet just a simple kiss would be more sincere.
Just a couple of ways I tried to interprete your piece. It was definitely interesting to read.
One suggestion I have would be to revise this in a less abstract/symbolic form and see what it looks like with your exact points in plain view. I think that somewhere inbetween this really beautiful heavy symbolic piece and a straight-forward design would lie a perfect happy medium.
Thats pure speculation. This is good writing. Hope my input has helped.
so simple so short so true. it is very short but very heart filled and emotional for the readers. i liked it. escpecially the first line. 'kiss the hand of a Broken Man'
Submission Name: Apollo's Kiss
