[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Girl in the Bogsdots

    Author: leper messiah
    ASL Info:    21~f~New England
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 197/249/38
    Words: 330
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 976
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2130

       just wrote this the other nightmorning...one of those blurry line times between sleep and awake in insomnia. im also excited to mention that it was open mic night last night at this quaint lil bookstore on main st. of my city, where my friend was there to read...i showed up to see her, and she put my name on the list to read...so i read this one, people loved it...it was definitely a lot stranger than the stuff other people were reading, because most of theirs were about feelings/relationships/etc. but its an interesting story. thats about it, enjoy or die!
    (kiddin) ~april

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGirl in the Bogsdots

    the bucket kid kicked me over
    should her, shoulder her into a great big ditch
    across from the patches of clover
    where my sisters played strange marble games…
    the water black and Baltic looking, smelled
    like a seaweed…salt in my nostrils I choked
    wrapping myself tighter in the murk
    it was cold and strange, dead frogs floating
    near my ankles?…couldn’t tell, but the movement
    it was constant and heavy, green and oily
    tangled and cavernous was the open mouths
    algaeic slushwords drifting darkly by like
    drowned Apennine minstrel ghosts…
    there might have been music, couldna heard
    the block in my ears was like holding
    a cork over a wine bottle all shook up
    *the wine being only halfway blended, mixing
    berries and memories of grapeseeds together
    in alcoves of flushed reveries*
    and I could swear I saw bucket kid over the edge,
    Wide-eyed and wondering, danger in her breathing?
    because I can’t swim and the clothes were seamed
    in asphyxiating gags stillness I stared up through
    the ripplewaves, slow as they were and getting
    further every time my foot kicked a dead frog,
    cold and strange they felt, so oily and thick!
    pretty soon I was heavy and constant too
    like the berrie skins in the wine bottle
    like the silt sinks, turns to foam
    on the shore of lone viscous pregnant beaches…
    down in the bog, the kid turned and ran
    he hid his bucket underneath his parent’s alcove
    *which is more like a hollow for guests in summer,
    bedchamber and all made up with a flora print*
    where they stay each night drinkin wine
    like it was the Sabbath, not a worry
    Bucket kid went made toast hot with jam
    And margarine, tottered up to his slight room
    Above the mudroom, overlookin the bay
    Which was right across from the clover
    My sisters played their stranger marble games
    And their sister looking up
    settled under that heavy green water…

    Submitted on 2004-08-21 13:17:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      hey babe! i feel like i get this better than most people, but maybe that is cuz we are cosmically connected and i also heard you read it aloud, which makes such a difference, since you set the tone and all. you are amazing, and this is my favorite of all yours so far. beautiful, babe, just beautiful. <3 cait
    | Posted on 2005-08-27 00:00:00 | by PhotoNegative | [ Reply to This ]
      that was a good poem
    but i think you ment to say
    shoulder her,shoulder her into a great big ditch
    but instead you put
    should her, sholder her
    but its a very good poem apart from that bit it
    confused me till i read it the other way
    | Posted on 2004-08-21 00:00:00 | by kellz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehehe. In England 'bogs' is slang for the toilets. That aside, I really like this. I can't tell yet if it has a point to it, but I like it anyway. It's really… Refreshing… And you have a clear flair for vivid imagery. It's very… different, and it's got life in it. For some reason reading it makes me happy. Nice job! Becky
    | Posted on 2004-08-21 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey leper...I think this is one of the more entertaining poems I've read. It loses some of its impact where the grammar/syntax seems a little fishy but then those are my weak spots so what do I know. Good stuff.
    | Posted on 2004-08-28 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Beezare. But enjoyable I guess.. I like some of the words goin on here - slushwords - I can work with that. Bucket kid? I dunno. What is this about really? Most of it went over my head so I was basically looking at the pretty pictures
    | Posted on 2004-08-29 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    4th of July written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    prison written by ShyOne
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Fasade written by jackz
    Shi written by ShyOne
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Cover written by saartha
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Carry written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    True Death written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]