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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stripteasedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1207
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 404



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStripteasedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I started to feel like my life was just a lie
    that I tried to make myself believe,
    but you tell me that we all hide
    behind personas like bullet proof vests
    to protect ourselves from harm,
    but I'm giving the world
    a fantastically slow striptease.
    I'm taking off this costume
    one thread at a time
    until I'm finally free.




    Submitted on 2004-08-22 05:49:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      until i'm finally what...? did you leave us hanging on purpose..? somehow i dont think so..
    i love the metaphor of bulletproof vests.. what better way to describe how we try to protect ourselves from the people around us? and when you get hit.. it might not kill you but it still leaves a bruise.
    the only thing that jarred was the repetition of pain/painfully.. i guess because it's such a short poem. but that really is minor..
    oh and i love what you did with the pic.. it looks great like that i am obsessed with photoshop at the moment..
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny you might write a piece about a lie, I also have written tonight about "Lies".
    Well done as usual, that was not a surprise.
    I'm glad to read in here again, and unite with some of my old favorite spinners.
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      why do you make two words out of striptease?? is that on purpose?? anyway I like the metaphor of bulletproof vests very much too. a true little poem, we all hide. very well done.
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I like that. . .When I read the title and saw the picture I got the idea that it was going to be a suxual poem. . .It's got alot of imagery in it. I can see a woman standing in the streets looking at the cops in their bullet proof vests trying to stop a bank rober. Then she walks on and I see her walking past a strip joint. With all the girl dressed skimpy and danceing around but she walks on by. She walks to this old house, walks in and lies down and begins to cry. I've writen poems about lies before. I have one intitaled Fraud on this site. I try not to wear my masks because I know I shouldn't but I do sometimes. I really like your poem. It made me think alot. . .Thanks. . .
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]
      Great write. I can almost see the threads as they are coming off one at a time. My fav part is:
    "But I'm giving the world
    A fantastically slow strip tease"
    Your choice of words underlines the fact that this baring of the soul is a 'pain'stakingly slow process... but something that will set you free. Love it!
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      ah thats really cool! i guess sometimes i get sick of the things going on in my life, so i try to find my self and just be that person. change is good, and when its for the better of the world, its even better. great job on this one, it's encouraging.
    -steph
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha, ha, the naked Amy huh? Now that's a likely story! I reckon you'll keep a lot more under wraps than you'll show. Nothing wrong with that, but the Bible does say the truth shall set you free. When are you writing something about that boyfriend you told us about? Nice one, I like it when you use a few lines more than usual.
    | Posted on 2004-08-23 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      How wonderfully you described this desire for freedom. The "costume" being removed one thread at a time until finally freedom is attained. Slow process, but it's never easy to break free from our little safety zones. One thread...yes, still feel safe...another thread, no harm yet...three threads...I can do this!

    Most of us live our lives as lies. We even start to forget who we really are. We hide behind masks and our bulletproof vest seeking to protect ourselves and hide the truth of ourselves from the world. No place is this plainer to see than the persona we force ourselves into with our loved ones and co-workers. Do they really know us? Truly, inside as well as out? Not likely. We all have these defensive tactics that keep people at arm's length..

    How marvelous it would be to live life without worries about what anyone thinks. Remove these personality inhibitors one stitch at a time. Be ourselves in all our quirkyness and have people accept us anyway. Sounds like FREEDOM to me.
    | Posted on 2004-08-23 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't believe you didn't use Kevlar in there. God you missed an opportunity. "Personas of Kevlar like bullet-proof...", hey, it has a ring to it. I think it adds to the metaphor, thickens it with a greater palpability. Beyond that, and even in spite of it, this is a good poem. It makes me think of self-actualization. And that movie called "Striptease", which I never saw.

    This is totally opinion, and not a critique per se, but I saw room for one more little stanza. Why? Because you're not just setting yourself free, you're shedding a layer of protection. This means that you might find more harm than freedom. I think that that would draw profound lines. The danger of honesty versus the desire to be real. The costs of being free versus the costs of security.
    | Posted on 2004-08-23 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      The way this poem will be received depends on a reader muchly - on his/her character. Some people want to stay in those layers, others want to live without them, so do I. That's why I like this poem. And the idea of strip-tease... it's very sexy and provocative - but I like it as well, guess some people would not actually. Cause they don't like to be reminded that they are still in those layers... in illusion and their own lies. Very good piece.
    | Posted on 2004-08-24 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      take it off, Amy! take it all off! lol! i can see you taking a loose thread and just pulling on it as it unravels itself s l o w l y... i, too, like the bullet-proof best metaphor, because that's what it feels like sometimes. this made me think of that song I Gotta Be Me (Sammy Davis Jr., i think)... well done. be your sweet, quirky self all ways!
    | Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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