Description: ** this was completed in a moment of utter fear so it is under massive construction... i just want to know if it might be going in the right direction... **
My hands are shaking…
And not in a great way
My hands are shaking…
And I think that I may
Just let it all out
My fear and my doubt
All I can do without
So I begin to shout… but
My hands are shaking…
What do I do
My hands are shaking…
Starting to soak through
All the layers of truth
That formed in my youth
Coming through like a tooth
Bitter like vermouth… still
My hands are shaking…
Its getting harder to see
My hands are shaking…
My heart wants to be free
And I will not deny
As I say with a sigh
You make my spirit rise
Like a bird to the skies… and
My hands are shaking…
As my brow starts to glow
My hands are shaking…
But I want you to know
That your heart’s on my mind
It is intertwined
With mine and maybe you’ll find
Some piece of mind…
I know this is under a random thought. But I read poetry alot. I have quite a different style that some do not understand. The rep. gives a good effect to your writing in this case. You seem to be talking yourself though the pain. And you have, well that is what it seemed to apply at the end. I often bring the title down within the read, and connect each word as is. Then count...the counting part is too hard for me to put into words. Tremors can start at the core and work their way out. You have done that here, but in your own style. I enjoyed reading your writing.
i enjoyed this. i think the repition of the hand shaking was good. i believe that u have the talent to keep it going. as i believe from your description u said u will. its a wonderful topic also, great ideas and all. i don't know if the last line "my hands stop shaking" would be a good part 2. i think that should b at the end. but hey, thats just me... i think it would b good, becuase then u can keep the reader reading at the pace that u are scared until the very end, when everything is over... just some friendly suggestions
I'm totally not qualified to criticise anything but think that the hands shake a shade too many times. Maybe you could remove / change the third line from the stanza - I dunno... But if that's important to the poem then please ignore the comment!
In the fourth stanza, do you mean "peace of mind"?
but i get what you're saying... with a little rewording, it's be great...
Submission Name: tremors
