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Within His Cage

Author: Suven7
ASL Info:    20 female Fla
Elite Ratio:    7.08 - 478 /260 /47
Words: 103
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1203
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 680


Wrote it a couple of weeks ago. Lonesome I guess, and in need to feel out some space...even white paper would do. So, here it is. I kind of toyed with the A B C pattern. It is summer isn't it? :)

Within His Cage

A picture old and frayed of
A man sweating under the shade of
A tree robust with life thriving
Amidst a land of strife

Bold with age
Bent and torn, illusion within a cage
Bewitched into immortality to
Burden the soul and aggrieve mentality

Colors once fresh now are stale
Corrupting the story of its true tale
Cry for the man under the shade who sweats
Crayoned black streaks, his tears of regrets

Dare examine his hazy eyes that
Deliver visions of men’s ties, a
Dozen pictures couldn’t portray a man’s
Dear wish time had held off at bay

Submitted on 2004-08-23 22:15:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  The structure and the rhyme scheme of this piece makes for a very good write. Although the theme is fine, any subject would suffice.

Well thought out and executed.

| Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  hello! thanks for commenting on my poem. INUYASHA RULES! ahem...sorry. got a little carried away there.this poem was kinda confusing to me...i feel stupid now...what is this poem supposed to be about?
| Posted on 2004-09-14 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ]
  holy crap..., sorry, your picture got my attention.., after l had read your poem. lt made me sit back... Anyways, a very interesting poem, sounds like someone needs to notice another. l enjoyed reading it.
| Posted on 2004-09-08 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]
  HELLO. TESTING IF THIS COMMENTING BOX WORKS. Someone was kind enough to direct some problems in this department. I am a new member (obviously ) and I would appreciate getting comments! Viva
| Posted on 2004-08-24 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed reading this. I think I will have to try out the A B C thing sometime in the future. Do you ever write haiku? I have found that to be a good way to express myself, and challenge myself as a ?poet? I think you have some abstract ideas, which I like. I enjoy when people write in new and creative ways. I do believe this piece could use some revision, but I don't have anything specific(but I'll try to be if you'd like). I encourage you to continue trying new approaches to writing. thanx for sharing this.
| Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. This is an example of true poetry. Yeah, there are different types of poetry that can all be counted in, but this just kinda... sets the others aside and screams "I'm the REAL thing!" I really enjoyed reading this. The ABC pattern just adds to the beauty of this poem. You can guarantee I'm adding this to my favorites.
| Posted on 2004-08-27 00:00:00 | by slickviper097 | [ Reply to This ]

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