I think this piece has the heart and potential of something good. I will say that some of the wording is cliché', but I think you could reword it easily. The last two lines should be rephrased or omitted. In the second stanza, how about: Respiration Slows as eyes close and voice grows faint.
I think you should remedy the repetition about tears. I also think you could do without the last three lines of the last stanza. I hope you do revisit and revise this piece, and I hope I didn't do too much of a bashing, because that was not my intent.
sometimes this is how i feel...it describes me to a tee, actually...with eating disorders you get so zoned out from not eating, i can barely pay attention to things that is...and its like, i'm still alive and whatever, but i'm not here...llike in this Radiohead song, How to Disappear Completely: "i'm not here, this isn't happening". my story's been beginning for soooo long, tho, that's why i like the ending when i usually wouldn't. so thats a good thing, file that under "compliments", my dear. i could bash it, but its too familiar for me! i think the way it sounds like Kevorkian-esque makes me a lil tiny bit edgy...like oh, god, ya know...but other than that, it seems like somethin i think to myself everyday, just worded differently! ~april