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Stained Tears


Author: Suven7
ASL Info:    20 female Fla
Elite Ratio:    7.08 - 478 /260 /47
Words: 211
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1121
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1358



Description:


An afternoon of sharp realization, and that is all, that is all it ever was.


Stained Tears



Should’ve kept the veil down
Shielded these untested eyes
For in yours nearly I drowned
Kept alive only to pay the price

Now as this silly girl
Gaze upon you as if you were dawn
And cry out as the rays depart from her skin
She pays everyday for the life she has drawn
And that much love has not always been!

Caught sight of unrequited thirst
Favored breathing replaced
Fool, you could’ve crushed him first
Instead your heart has been misplaced

Freed of the black veil she found
You that she has sought all those years
In your ignorance you’ve led her ‘round
Without a mind, you’ve stained her tears

Now let this aching girl
Curse you out, to hurt within but openly
And be rid of such stale emotions
In loving you, she was burdened suddenly

‘Be over now, wish me away…’
Is her first unheard plead
As love failed to reflect in your gray
Secondly, that the veil had never been freed

Won’t you let her hurt openly?
It only does when she’s breathing
So hold her breath, and secure her death, grant this mercy
As the heart only breaks near healing.









Submitted on 2004-08-24 17:35:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Compliments are showered on you, and for good reason. Another excellent and well thought out piece of writing. I am impressed.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  should've kept the veil down, that speaks to me there, i can connect. same with the untested eyes and shielding them. the most powrful line i can connect with is "Instead your heart has been misplaced" the most hard hitting stanza for me is the 5th stanza "Now let this aching girl Curse you out, to hurt within but openly And be rid of such stale emotions
In loving you, she was burdened suddenly" overall it is an excellent piece with alot of things I can connect to. "As the heart only breaks near healing." that is a warm note to leave it on knowing there is healing there. very nice one and honest,

~mike
| Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a very passionate piece. I think you have something really good here. I think that the piece could use a bit of revision, but nothing major. I think you have expressed yourself quite clearly and fluidly. The only problem I see is a confusion of past and present tense.
I think the 3rd line of the 1st stanza should be "I nearly drowned"
In the 2nd stanz Gaze and Cry should be Gazes and Cries-I think.
I think "unheard plead" should be unheard plea.
I hope I'm not coming off nitpicky, just trying to be helpful.
As for the last stanza, that is truly powerful. Very nice work!
| Posted on 2004-08-24 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
  Good job- this poem was very insightful and thoughtful. The metaphors throughout the piece reflect a darker meaning than would meet the eye. Your choice of words and rhyming give life to the words and express you well. There are a few places in which the tenses are awkward, but overall, i congratulate you.
| Posted on 2004-08-24 00:00:00 | by Ari Leukos | [ Reply to This ]
  i have to say that this wa a very well writen poem for some one of such a young age you are very talented. there is anouther young write that a lot of people have said the same thing about and her alias is dandan. she very talented as well you may want to read some of her work. she just bearly turned 16 and lives in florida same as you. great job keep them comeing lia
| Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]


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