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    dots Submission Name: The Falldots

    Author: HaldirLives
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 234/149/60
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 973
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1526

       This is a ballad I wrote in about half an hour. It's pretty self explanatory. It's based on a story that has many more details and subplots than are presented here, but it's got the basic gist. I tried to make in a traditional, Beowulf-like style, but I'm not sure how successful I was.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Falldots

    Only the earth remembers it,
    And she has told me the story
    Of a time of ending,
    When men forgot glory.

    His name was Seth, ruler of a great city
    Overlooking the cerulean sea from above.
    Just as the waves ate at the soil beneath,
    So the city was eaten by love.

    A Golden race, gifted with eternity,
    A friend of the King, he was Cahal.
    Steadfast by Seth's side by day,
    Night was the cause of his fall.

    Airlia, Queen of the city over the sea,
    Fairest of all mortals
    In her likeness to the undying.
    With herself were her quarrels.

    Seth and Airlia wed,
    Cahal and Airlia love ties,
    Cahal and Seth old friends,
    All lies.

    A son by Seth,
    A son by Cahal.
    Basil, illigetimate heir,
    Rafe, who had the gall.

    Rumors flew through the city,
    "The boys are not kin."
    Rafe knew, he found it out,
    He told of Airlia's sin.

    Shame on the Golden race,
    Airlia feared for her life.
    Seth driven mad by the betrayal
    Took up the untarnished knife.

    Blood spilled on jade tiles,
    Cries of mourning from Cahal's lips.
    He was driven out by Rafe,
    The Goldens banished in ships.

    The cruel, untrusting rule began.
    So men's glory ended.
    Oceans, valleys, mountains
    Never to be mended.

    Submitted on 2004-08-25 09:10:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is great work. I like it very original. It's like reading a book. but in so few words. You said all you had to. the lack of detail in this believe it or not actually makes it more interesting. You chose not to go into too much detail about the characters. Like most try to do. I like it. My Vote a five! good work.
    | Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by isaiahc4 | [ Reply to This ]
      very good, though a few of the rhymes seem kind of forced. I love the story though. You did a masterful job w/ this-great word choice. I especially like the final line in the second stanza. Keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it, but it bugged me that the rhythm didn't really flow. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be that way or not. Some of the lines seem a little awkward, too, for example "Night was the cause of his fall." But other than that, it was good.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Ruby Rivers | [ Reply to This ]

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