Tip top tapping,
The meth mans rapping,
Sitting in the corner of his humble abode,
Top tap tipping,
The old taps dripping,
Leaking thoughts from mind to paper,
Tap tip topping,
The meth mans poping,
More pills to fuel his frenzy,
Bing bang bong,
The meth mans song,
Written in his chemical blood,
Bong bang bing,
He spreads his golden wings,
One more dip for the signature,
Bing bong bang,
The meth man sang,
But died with his unseen work.
| like the last line. both my parents are hooked on meth so this was kinda why i read it. its really like. you did good. i like the first line of every stanza really cool. |
|| Posted on 2004-10-07 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ] || man I really like the flow of this poem. Also the content is deep for being so deceptively short and with lines so small. |
At one point towards the end I felt that the first line was getting a little tedious. Not sure how I would fix it though and maintain the integrity of the piece.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Great Job bro.
|| Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ] || i think this is a really cool write. the way you did your first lines of each stanza I did in a poem called "Clicking". |
i loved the thoughts leaking part.
no point in commenting on the spelling mistake, others have.
i think I must make a FAV.
|| Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ] || Great. Meth is a f***ed up world..."died with his unseen work". that's about the long and short of that drug...you tend to be great at lots of things in your own mind, but nobody ever knows...Great choice in "Chemical Blood"||| Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ] || It was good, but sounded like you were trying a tad to much to make it sound like rap, or maybe I'm just crazy, either way, it tells a good story about a drug. And you did a good job.||| Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by MyHeart2Yours | [ Reply to This ] || i believe "popping" is spelled with two "p"'s. i like the subject. matters not. i like the way it flows. it keeps everything together. i've met a lot of meth heads and crackheads and speed freaks and i think you've captured them well.||| Posted on 2004-08-29 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ] |