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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Expected Returndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dado
    ASL Info:    22/m/uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 25/29/9
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 425
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 434



    Description:
       This ones a lot different from my tohers and was written the other day in the space of about 5 mins. Could do with some feedback on this new style and whether anyone can actaully make sense of it!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExpected Returndots
    -------------------------------------------


    What’s expected isnt there
    Now returns a hollow man
    Once empty and now again
    A double life that isn’t fair

    Where expected isn’t found
    Each side provides the reverse
    Love and respect make the score
    But now hear the wrong sound

    Him expected not to erode
    Now the shell is limb
    Centre surely tasted sweet
    The same not said for his abode




    Submitted on 2004-08-25 09:55:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You've got something going here. . . confusing to a certain degree is the mark of a good poet who knows how to use his/her symbolism. This seems to be a good style for you, but it takes practice. Here's something to get you going on the right track (or righter track).
    "Where what's expected doesn't exist -
    he returns - a now-hollow man
    Once empty, and once again
    Doubles lives, they're also unfair."
    These are my ideas. They need work too but there's a rough sketch.
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-09-15 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this type of style, because peotry is about the reader finding their own symblism in the words, this kind of writing fourse us to do just that.

    milo stills
    | Posted on 2004-09-15 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]



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