[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sepia wisps of a former lovedots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1201
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 939

       well, i am back again to write with the tides of another school year. now with more angst due to a teenage breakup. marvelous. read up, angels.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSepia wisps of a former lovedots

    analisa fell asleep in florescent moods
    orchestrating a wisp of a former lover
    clutching his jacket to her collapsing chest
    breathing in the sickly sweet smell
    falling away like the screech of a halting record
    blood clotting in the corners of her puckered mouth
    yes, this takes her away to somewhere she's always been
    traveling along a sepia road, clouds in the south, heading fast towards her umbrella
    protecting her scarved head, above a sputtering jalopy
    breif thoughts slice through her unconsious mind
    rain could be in the cards for my sepia dream
    for cattles are laying like books on a shelf
    but upon closer inspections
    hearts carved out, throats slit, sharp grass leaving heels to bleed in silence
    back in bed, quilted pensiveness listlessly sweeping her breaths away
    breaths now immune to his
    sickly sweet memory.

    Submitted on 2004-08-25 20:58:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of my latest (at the time) entry, Isaiah, but in contrast to mine, yours holds a lot of detail. This is about a woman with heart-break, thus resulting in more retrospection and present ache, whereas Isaiah's laden with introspection and guesses - I guess. It could be that I just need to work on my imagery.

    There's description here that I couldn't muster with all the time in the world - Unless I get better.
    I hope you've gotten better. This is artistry, this is a story told with rhythm. You could tell stories of other worlds if you tried.
    | Posted on 2016-05-11 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]