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    dots Submission Name: A Circle of Figmentsdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 522


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    dotsA Circle of Figmentsdots

    A circle of figments,
    bits of imagination,
    swirls about my head.
    I catch pieces of dreams,
    pictures I never dared to paint,
    books I was too lazy to write
    and imagined conversations
    with people that I could have loved
    had I known them.
    It's as if my thoughts are a film
    hacked apart
    and spliced back together,
    a joyous, beautiful, surreal edit
    having little affinity to the original ideas
    but far more splendor.

    Submitted on 2004-08-26 04:01:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      mhm. i think i understand what your trying to say. and its very good. i can relate a bit. my minds a bit screwey too. nice description with the hacked up film. good work
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      are you scared to be motivated? ive found that recording a particular time or a particular emotion helps trmendously, in later times you can always look back and be like, "holy [censored]! I remember that!" i am a complete absent minded person so i do know what you're talking about.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      spinning thoughts about what could be and inventing stories about your life taken another direction at some point. I like the reference to film and the 'joyous, beautiful, surreal edit' very much. great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really well done piece. I see only a couple things at the end there that strike me a little off. These last two lines here:

    "With no affintity to the original ideas
    But with far more beauty"

    Are you trying to spell "Affinity" there? And if so woulnd't it be better to say "With no affinity for..." instead of "to"

    Also the last line you use "with" again. Sometimes it can be pretty complimentary but not so much here. It produces a small repetitous effect. Seems to me like you could just remove the second "with" and it would sound great.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]

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