Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forever and a daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dado
    ASL Info:    22/m/uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 25/29/9
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 291
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 431



    Description:
       As you can gues this is about my girlfriend?

    Its shorter than my toher stuff so read around and let me know what you think and how it compares!

    Thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForever and a daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Forever didn’t seem that long
    When forever was with you
    Not just the one, the one for life
    Plus me a rounded two

    A day seems like eternity
    Just a day without you
    The sunrise slow to spite me
    My tears the mourning dew

    Forever seems too long now
    Now forever’s without you
    A million moments that we shared
    Now seem just a few





    Submitted on 2004-08-26 06:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Despite its shortness, it is full of emotions and I can observe that you've poured out your feelings in this poem. Good work! I think its shortness is just right. Maybe try to use a little imagery to add some structure in your poem. Other than that, I like it.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by solitary_cross | [ Reply to This ]
      the emotional tone is good, but it seems a bit trite to me. i think using some imagery would be a good idea, too. it's hard to relate to abstract ideas like mourning.

    ps-did you know 'scream' was just stolen this week?
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      very emotional and sweet. it really made me go "awwww" when i read it. really shows true feeling. this is the first of your poems that ive read but its made me want to read more. maybe you should show this to your girlfriend if you havent already. great work!
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.