Where light ends by whiteshadows

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Submission Name: Where light ends dots

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Author:	whiteshadows
ASL Info:	20/m/Grass Valley, CA
Elite Ratio:	3.39 - 157/142/24
Words:	76

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	475
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	453

Description:
I think that this is one of my longer poems...

hope you aren't dissappointed.

Where light ends dots

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where light ends and darkness mends,
my life is filled with twists and bends,
this bad road, it never ends,
it has holes as dug by moles,
and is lain with endless rolls,
yet love amy pave my road of woe,
and steer me where I do not know,
turn me from my twists and bends,
take me to land's farthest ends,
for saved can I be only, my friends,
where light ends and darkness mends.

Submitted on 2004-02-20 19:01:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Its better than my poem : http://www.eliteskills.com/z/117203
: But yeah i give it a 4.5-5 im picky so i really dont give out that many fives anyways but hey you earned one good job.You interpreted darkness into words that were understandable to the everyday person.However as was formentioned the rhyming seemed a little forced in some parts and makes them not make sense.
| Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by (Eagle) | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm, i like it, but i feel the rhyme is a little forced in this one. and it kinda breaks the flow in the forth line when u goto rhyme scheme, aabb. i don't know if it was meant to have a rhyme scheme or if it just laid that way.
| Posted on 2004-02-20 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked the rhythmic rhyming... it's not really long... in the 5th line, did you mean 'laid' instead of 'lain'?
| Posted on 2004-02-20 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
  Overall, I really liked this,..the theme of "where light ends and darkness mends". The section I think could be improved a little is "it has holes as dug by moles,
and is lain with endless rolls,"..this sounds forced, and in reading it, one lingers while puzzling over it..and it breaks the flow. Once that stumble is over though, the rest is great. I like ! Silver
| Posted on 2004-02-21 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]

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