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    dots Submission Name: What the Water is to the Sundots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 27
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 146


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat the Water is to the Sundots

    You are to me
    what the water is to the sun,
    my beautiful, fluid mirror
    and my place to retreat
    at the end of the day.

    Submitted on 2004-08-26 16:38:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I didn't need the intro.
    I got warmed up enough on the premise of reflected glory.
    You don't waste words do you?
    Left wanting.
    Was that the plan?
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Mark Hall | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to say that i loved the meaning behind it but i wishe that there had been more to it. and i think that you had a litlle beter discription of what you ment in the discription for the poem sorry if i seem mean i was just giving you how i felt. but i really do love the meaning behind it and the idea. lia
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      What you have here is classsy, touching, and all that good stuff- but as the others said, it leaves you empty. Like showing someone a really awesome meal, and not letting them eat. I like what you have- its a nice overall metaphor. Try to expand, maybe.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Ari Leukos | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem makes me feel warm...hehe i dont know why..probably it talks about the sun and it just gives me a warm feeling! hehe but i wish it could have been longer...
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      did you mean "as the end of my day" or "at the end of my day"? yeah, i definitely want more words to this... i love the idea behind it, but if you expand it more it would be beautiful, i'm sure. a good start, though.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Sizo Nqoba | [ Reply to This ]
      A tease! Well you got your suggestions piled up. MoRe! "..fluid mirror" is neat phrasing. Like the rest, I believe you have much more so spew it off!
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Great Job! I love short poems. Its says everything in one stanza, no need for anything more. I loved the language, the words hit the right spot. Don't make it longer if you wish not to, is perfect just like it is, pay no attention to the other coments.
    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Rocky Raccoon | [ Reply to This ]
      this is interesting.

    my image carried on - sun heats water; water evaporates; evaporated water makes clouds; clouds block sun...

    good things, then bad things, then good things...

    | Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      although you don't describe a sun set I have a beautiful picture of one in my mind. that's great. a really good little love poem. do you show Paul those love poems you write??
    | Posted on 2004-08-27 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      like the sun setting off in the distance straight into the ocean... the mirror. very well done, Amy. you are the queen of minimalism, and i absolutely adore it! this makes me feel good this evening, and i shall think of that sun setting into that fluid sea tonight as i lay my head down for some much-needed rest!
    | Posted on 2004-08-27 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      sometimes i wonder if any of these people who want more have any kind of imagination themselves... isn't that what poetry is supposed to do? stimulate our imagination? i always love your stuff because my mind can go anywhere it wants... you set a beautiful stage, and i can see it the way my mind sees it. don't let the "make it longer" folk get you down.
    | Posted on 2004-08-27 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Very simple and true, I wish I had a person I could write such thing or tell or... well, just having thoughts again. But water may be dangerous, don't you think? Oh but it's true, love is so refreshing...
    | Posted on 2004-08-29 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]

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