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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Becomedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 643
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 309



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Becomedots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's a weariness tearing away
    at my soul
    the absence of you
    has taken its toll.
    In the absence of dreams,
    the world becomes a dream.
    In the absence of love,
    a heart dies.
    In the absence of nothing,
    you become everything.





    Submitted on 2004-02-21 02:03:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I know what you're going for here, I think, but... it's missing something. The quick pace and rhyme structure of the first four lines work well, but it's an entirely different style from the remaining lines, which are more in line with the style I've come to expect from you. It's as if you took two short poems and combined them. Separately, each piece works beautifully. Together... I'm not so sure. <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-22 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      You become yourself again(my guess if it was a riddle).. I like your poem. It streams.
    | Posted on 2004-02-21 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]


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