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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Fairy Nymph (revised)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    38/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.85 - 2410/1167/153
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 510
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1117



    Description:
       I've taken a few of the suggestions I was given and revised this work. I added two stanzas. and changed a few words here and there. The original has not been deleted from my page, yet


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Fairy Nymph (revised)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's a fairy nymph dancing through my life;
    Playing hide-and-seek in my mind's mists.
    I glimpse her as she twirls, elusively, through my gardens.
    Teasingly she giggles -- laughing with her eyes;
    Her knowing visage so wise, so serene.
    I know, if I could only meet her,
    She would bring peace.

    Once, in youth, I saw her clearly,
    Without nature's veil -
    A hurried glance into the soul's reflecting pool
    Before I turned away from her murky depths,
    Afraid of being intranced by her mystery;
    Rejecting the lure.

    Faintly, I hear the echo of the piper's flute
    Wrapping its way through the evegreens;
    Tempting me into the enchantment of the forest;
    The melody beckons me to come...

    Now, longingly, I search my ravaged landscapes-
    Barren planes and rugged emotion-capped peaks.
    Still, she eludes me.
    Leaving me
    Desperate
    To meet
    The fairy nymph dancing through my life.






    Submitted on 2004-02-21 11:01:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      i really love the mystical aspect of this, the images were pretty awesome.

    "Once, in youth, I saw her clearly,
    Without nature's veil" i really liked that line, but this whole thing was beautifully, beautifully written.
    | Posted on 2004-03-06 00:00:00 | by XxMusikJunkiexX | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes I agree with Niphredil..

    Although I like this poem very very much, and it is stronger than your first. I too find that "the fairy nymph dancing through my life", seems a little forced and i found it a bit of an annoying repetitive.
    Here are my suggestions
    you could change the end of the 2nd stanze to:
    "Rejecting her lure"
    And on the 3rd stanza you could just drop the line, because there i felt that it was obvious what the melody beckoned you to do :-).

    I really love this poem, the images were made crystal clear by your words. You have awesome talent!
    | Posted on 2004-02-21 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm...
    I like this pice very much. I went back and read the first version and I think this is a much stronger poem. The other felt stiff from the first tot he second stanza. The images in the second stanza help explain yourself and lead up to the ending. I like it very much, but these are my two niggles. Accept them or reject them as you will. I think it could be even better if you axed the dancing through my life except for once or twice. It's great imagery, but to me, it feels forced. Maybe just the one at the very beginning and the very end as a connector. The other niggle is a spelling mistake. Forest with two r's. Obviously that's probably just a mistype.
    Overall, I really enjoyed this. (And relate.)

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2004-02-21 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh there we go.. Yeahp this is definately going my favorite list! I have to say again how breathtaking your talent is
    | Posted on 2004-02-21 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't believe I read the other way your poem was wrote. Yet, coming from a females' point of view, humor was the imagery and wanting to clear the air with another.
    | Posted on 2004-02-21 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]



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