abslutely fabulous! the imagery was splendid and i especially liked "In the palm of my hand, just closed My fingers on shards of glass Now I watch my blood drip Drip to the ground"
I wasn't sure where you were going with teh whole Tin Man thing, but it all came togteher at the end and it was beautiful. ummm I guess the thing about your heart pumping doesn't fit with the act that yoru chest is empty but maybe i'm being stupidadn not getting it. despite that, it was great piece. good work
I like it... My fav line is: "Never dealt with what was handed". I'm sure most of us can relate to that on some level. I enjoyed the contradiction of 'blood dripping', 'tears falling' and 'heart pumping' but still remaining 'hollow' inside... the proverbial 'tin man'... love it!
artistically I have nothing to criticise, but a couple of idea on the diction. In the first line, you really want to say "how do I undo"? Try it as "how can I undo" and say it aloud. Another place with a similar trip up for me is "what was handed in the palm of my hand" Try reading it as "was placed in the palm of my hand" and see if that sounds clearer.
The last line of S1, did you mean scared is in full of fear, or scarred as in covered in scars? Either could work, just wanted to have you clarify in your own mind and check spelling, because you have the fear there, not the scar.