Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stitches and First Kissesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Butterfly Bullets
    ASL Info:    24/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 188/257/24
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Romance
    Total Views: 1548
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1407



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStitches and First Kissesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bandages will break
    Blood will bleed through
    Unconvinced and unwilling the living die to be with you
    Hearts will fall
    Time will surely fade
    Distracted and attracted the dead will live to see this day

    And me, Iíll be second best
    Iíll stay with you on Sundays till thereís not a Sunday left
    And Iíll die, better than no one else
    You say that Iím a hero but I canít even save myself
    From you
    From you
    From you
    I can't even save myself From you

    Answers theyíll receive
    For questions that they ask
    Timid and abrasive youíve got knives for their backs
    Tears will fall
    Trust will surely fade
    But Iíll be at your front door to greet you everyday
    With a smile
    And dreams of better things
    Hopeless and aggressive cuz you donít even know my name

    But me, Iíll be second best
    Iíll stay with you on Sundays till thereís not a Sunday left
    And Iíll die, better than no one else
    You say that Iím a hero but I canít even save myself
    From you, youíre such a sweet surprise
    Like warm winter days and those cold summer nights
    Iíll try, to be better than the rest
    But youíll smile for a while and Iíll always be second best
    To you
    To you
    I'll always be second best




    Submitted on 2004-08-28 15:19:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i can't even put into words how much i enjoyed this piece. my only complaint was the use of "cuz." i think it just takes away from such a beautiful piece of work.

    please keep writing

    <333
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by jeffiner | [ Reply to This ]
      But me, Iíll be second best
    Iíll stay with you on Sundays till thereís not a Sunday left
    And Iíll die, better than no one else
    You say that Iím a hero but I canít even save myself
    From you, youíre such a sweet surprise
    Like warm winter days and those cold summer nights
    Iíll try, to be better than the rest
    But youíll smile for a while and Iíll always be second best
    To you
    To you
    I'll always be second best

    thats my fav stanza..u made me think of a war basically n which ur in the middle of n ur bein hit from both sides.. hers n urs.. it was well written..def addn to my favs

    goodjob kiddo..
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      You say that Iím a hero but I canít even save myself from you

    soo good, i know that feeling, people thinking that youre everything but to them you feel so weak.. in a good way great write :)
    danielle
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]
      these are in fact amazing lyrics, and should be made into a song. You should come up with some notes to it. I would love to hear it.
    Jaymi
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there darlin. Well, this is impressive. I'm very picky when it comes to lyrics. As far as poetry itself goes, I'm a little more lenient. But since I myself am a composer and songwriter, lyrics are much more intricate in my mind.

    This hit me like a ton of bricks. I loved how you wrote it. The rhyme was great. It wasn't so obvious that it became clichť. I especially like the first verse and the following line.

    "Unconvinced and unwilling the living die to be with you"

    That was very clever. Great writing my dear. I'd love to see more. Much love.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, the tragedy of love lost... "Better to have loved and lost..." sometimes, I wonder... Broken-hearted lyrics fill my soul, but never could I so eloquently express them as you have... "Iíll stay with you on Sundays till thereís not a Sunday left, but I'll always be second best..." heh... better go before I start to cry... Virgil
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Lip_Gloss_and_Black | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my good lord...holy...wowsers.
    ok no that i'm gushing all over...you married?
    hehe
    sorry, this was awsome...the flow, clearity, imagery...yep true blue sky here that i'm floating in...dancing like a buttfly dodging your bullets...cool
    very very well done
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Is this a song? The repeated stuff makes it complete. I don't know if this is just me, but I hear a definite melody coming from the words-like there's supposed to be music to it, it just hasn't been written yet. Thanks for commenting on my stuff-yours is great, from what I've read thus far. Yours, Archadya
    | Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by Darc Archadya | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate. that was beautiful. i love that line "warm winter days and cold summer nights" as if everything is completely backwards. or the last to lines of the second stanza. it's a heartbreaker, i love it.
    | Posted on 2004-08-28 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounded like a song to me. It's pretty cool. But why marr love with blood and ...murder? I guess that's just your style. Well, I'll keep an eye out for more of your stuff. Read ya later!
    | Posted on 2004-08-28 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...is all i can murmur. dear, where have you been? you're quite an exceptional writer...i think this is intensified shout-in-your-face-with-only-expressions poetry...the kind where these are the things you think of and won't ever say, because it either hurts too much or there's somethin holding you back or there just is no way or need to utter it in lingual torture...lets face it, thats what us poets are here for, right? torture of the norm. lines that are absolutely brilliant:
    ...But me, Iíll be second best
    Iíll stay with you on Sundays till thereís not a Sunday left
    And Iíll die, better than no one else
    You say that Iím a hero but I canít even save myself...
    and
    ...But Iíll be at your front door to greet you everyday
    With a smile
    And dreams of better things
    Hopeless and aggressive cuz you donít even know my name...
    that last bit, god...! grrr, its almost like you read my mind on how i feel about certain people...its like edgy and desperate or somethin. i dunno...sorry, my commentary get reallllly long sometimes. but only when i get into somethin...get used to it, i think...i'll be definitely back to your page. what else can i say, this is gorgeous art. love and daisies~april
    | Posted on 2004-08-28 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i really like how for your chorus like bit (not saying that songs need choruses but youve repeated a sequence over...) that you extended it the second time... added more to it, to her, to why you'll be second best... and i wonder, when you say your gonna be better than all the rest, whether its better or worse to be the best seoncd best... but yeah... thats just my thinking...i really love your style
    | Posted on 2004-08-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      again you've written something that is all heart and honesty and pure emotion.

    there are so many interesting and beautifully written lines.. the chorus is excellent.. i love the line "i'll die better than no one else.." there is something very desperate about it.. the lengths that you're willing to go to for her..

    what i've seen of your writing.. you seem to to put everything of yourself in the words. you dont hold anything back. and i think that is one of the signs of a true writer.
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      cool, it makes me think of something my ex-boyfriend would write. It almost sounds like song lyrics. you should try to put it to music!
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I really enjoyed this. I haven't read any of your other works but I will definately have to check your page out after reading such a powerful piece. I love the part about being a hero but you can't even save myself. Excellent.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      omg ... im lost for words. this is beautiful. i love it ... wow.. excelent. ur talented man. and it shows alot. i really really like this alot. and i will keep reading ur work.
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by natasha | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    22329

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Love written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Etiquette written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Shi written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry