Description: This is more like a rap than a poem, so I want to apologize and get that out of the way. Once again, I know it's not the greatest, but it's just how I felt. Love it, hate it, whatever.
Eight, Three, One -------------------------------------------
All I ever needed was someone here to hold me
To share my happiness, and when I'm sad, to console me
But I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Falling for the boys that were just handsome faces
After awhile, I dove into denial, held all my feelings inside
Truth is, the pain I felt, there's no way I could hide
Never thought I'd find someone who could love me for me
Never thought this dream I had could be a reality
Didn't know the day would come, when I'd find the right one
Didn't think that I could ever be falling in love
But now I know that the struggle was a blessing in disguise
Took being blinded for me to finally open up my eyes
To see everything I ever needed was right in front of my face
Found the missing piece to fill the empty space
That was deep in my heart, keeping me from really living
Opened up my heart, now it seems I've been given
A second chance to know romance, to know true love
To spend my life with someone that I always dreamed of
I could search the whole world and never would I find
Someone like you who finally brings me peace of mind
I thank the Lord above that He brought you into my life
No more lonely nights, no more tears to cry
How could I tell you these feelings I hold so true
Eight letter, three words, one meaning: I love you
I would like to give you kudos on sticking to ryming couplets. It's nice to see one about love again, seeing how i thought they were extinct. Besides the error Daniel caught, this is a good poem. Great even. And i'm glad you found your true love and i wish you good luck to you with that. Aken Sol
Hey....on the one hand this is very good & on the other hand it's not...look at these lines....
All I ever needed was someone here to hold me To share my happiness, and when I'm sad, to console me
But I was looking for love in all the wrong places Falling for that boys that was just handsome faces
The first 2 are pretty good and then the 2nd two have clichés and sloppy errors...that boys that....
so i'd say strive for consistency and try of think of every piece as a work of art...they might not start out that way but if you keep that in mind you'll hold yourself to a higher standard ...word by word...line by line...poem by poem...and you'll get there. I see promise in your work. take or toss... Daniel.
i have to agree with Daniel Barlow. there were som sloppy errors but i too think that this has a lot of potential. read each line and see what comes to mind when you try and fix it if you do. i liked the thought behind the whole thing keep working on it lia
wow... eight three one... i was waiting for it to be a combination for something or an address... thats very creatively done! i like it!
But I was looking for love in all the wrong places Falling for that boys that was just handsome faces
this is one line that many can identify with... the quest for real love, hapiness and joy is a hard one... theres always gonna be brokeness along the way but yay... it sounds like youve found yourself some happiness again... good luck with that. personally i liked the rap feel of this write... the way it tumbled out of my mouth but it was controlled in some ways... great job!
Submission Name: Eight, Three, One
