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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cut on the Dotted Linedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Butterfly Bullets
    ASL Info:    24/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 188/257/24
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Sorry
    Total Views: 1818
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1154



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCut on the Dotted Linedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Iím sorry were the words
    That slipped from her lips
    As her wrist dripped, from her fingertips

    And I said itís ok
    Cuz I know that one day
    Iíll take you away from this

    And with every drop that hit the sink
    The walls of my heart start to shrink
    She looked at me as if she were dead
    And through crying eyes she only said

    How can we dance on broken glass
    How can we fly on broken wings
    How can we love with broken hearts
    How can we feel anything
    Iím sorry, so sorry
    It had to be this way
    I donít deserve you
    And I know you feel the same

    Donít apologize, I'm right here
    I understand how you feel sometimes
    Please don't go, donít disappear
    Just hold my hand donít close your eyes

    And Iíll show you
    I love you
    Iím always thinking of you
    Just stay, donít leave
    Just stitch it up donít bleed

    We can dance
    We can fly
    We can love until we die
    And Iím sorry, so sorry
    I never told you




    Submitted on 2004-08-30 02:31:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "How can we dance on broken glass
    How can we fly on broken wings
    How can we love with broken hearts
    How can we feel anything
    Iím sorry, so sorry
    It had to be this way
    I donít deserve you
    And I know you feel the same"

    This part was a tear jerker.

    You have a way with your wriiting, and I love it. Looking forward to hearing more.

    Jaymi
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
      you were right its about the emotion..n this actualy brought tears to my eyes..wow u wrote this beautifuly as if u were both ppl u explaind both sides soo well!.. <33ash
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, congratulations... you made my cry. Didn;t think I still could, but you did it. I think I just may tell my love how I feel about her... Your words inspire some part of me that was lost before, re-light the fire for lack of better words... oh my god, I cannot believe how poignantly you described my situation to its hollow, broken core... "we can love until we die..." was my favorite part, because I once said that very thing to someone... and... I,... Virgil
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Lip_Gloss_and_Black | [ Reply to This ]
      i have never read a poem that is like this. poeple are usually telling about their own ecperence with cutting not some one elses. it bring a different light to the subject. it gives us some hope that poeple will love us any way, no matter our issures. i really liked how you portrayed that. it makes it very interesting. although the way that you ryme, is a little weird, it more ryms then it flows but o well. i still like it no the less.
    ~Shadow
    | Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      this killed me butterfly bullets boy... the boy i loved most in the whole world killed himself 4 months ago and the last thing he said to me was that he loved me and i would always be beautiful to him and i guess if your ever gonna hear some last words you'd want it to be them but its so true... you gotta remember to say these things coz whats the use of telling them when theyre dead...
    and the brokenness that comes through in this song... especially that of the girl... glass, wings, hearts all so easily broken but i notice there werent any broken promises which has gotta mean something... anyways... beautifully sad write... a lil too close to my world for my liking though...
    | Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This one hits pretty close to home, but I was lucky enough that he ended up safe and getting help. Unfortunately, I still haven't told him how I feel. Is there any easy way to do that? I like this very much... It flows well and has a great beat behind it. Send me a copy if you can! Yours, Archadya
    | Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by Darc Archadya | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a little too close to home for me to leave a coherent comment.. but i really do like your writing so i'm going to try.

    "As her wrist dripped, from her fingertips".. this has suicidal connotations.. and the rest of the poem seems to go in that direction with the death theme. are you equating her actions to a metaphorical suicide? or the killing of emotions? of the relationship?

    or am i missing the obvious and it isnt a metaphor after all?
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this song. I haven't (obviously) heard it, but the lyrics seem cool enough. I have to tell you, the chorus was what drew me in. Also, this reminded me of a coupla friends. The message you've sewn here, i've seen plenty of times, but this is a song. I WISH I knew HOW IT WENT!
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I usually steer clear of suicide writes, but was lured to it by the title-which I think is excellent. But this is not the average wah-wah or pity-party write, -I think because you have two parties interacting. in a dialogue. It is a powerful message that can never be repeated too often.-Tell them you love them-

    I really liked the chorus, and somehow you have injected a ray of hope into a depressing subject.The two "voices", one of despair and one of hope is a refreshing re-invention of this theme. I like. Silver
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Finally, someone else who knows how lyrics should be written. People are saying that it struck close to home, well i can't say the same but the message is still very powerful and the image that's created from reading is a little eerie to say the least. The stanza that began with dancing on broken glass was my favourite. I'm not quite sure what instruments I'd put with this but there is a definate rhythm to it. Nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmn...well this could be taken two ways metaphorically or it could be read how its written either way its good...its not really a suicide whiny write because its not written about yourself and in my understanding it seems your trying to save her show her the good...your trying to bring her back...and feelings of guilt because this happend and you never told her how you feel...this reminds me of a linkin park type song...im not sure why...lol...i think it was written quite well...ange
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      Lyrics are hard... write a few songs myself but I can't write music or play....anyway this looks pretty cool content wise and there are some lines that should really dance off the vocal cords. Sadly romantic and one I'd love to hear. :)
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoy reading lyrics but often do I ever find any that I like on this site. You have real talent and I enjoy reading your lyrics. They would go great with rock. I would love to see your lyrics put to music. I really enjoyed taking this in as a reader but I would love to hear it as a listener. Great job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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