Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Great Loss of the Weekdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Butterfly Bullets
    ASL Info:    24/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 188/257/24
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Angst
    Total Views: 1725
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1152



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Great Loss of the Weekdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Youíre my favorite disaster
    The scent of your hair, the clothes that you wear
    Keep me intoxicated and dreaming

    Youíre a walking suicide
    These razor blades, have seen better days
    Of butterfly kisses and screaming

    And youíre out there everywhere I wanna be
    And Iím in here my dear my sweet my everything
    Kiss my wrist and say goodnight
    Congratulations are in order you were right
    Step back

    Holding on is losing grip at seventy miles an hour
    The wind in my face the look on your face
    As we start to bathe
    In a nine millimeter shower

    Six bullets for the week
    Six shots we have to take
    Six ways to behave
    Six days from Sunday

    And youíre out there everywhere I wanna be
    And Iím in here my dear my sweet my everything
    Kiss my wrist and say goodnight
    Congratulations are in order you were right
    Step back

    We can dance together
    Always and forever
    Cuz youíre part of me
    In this steel symphony
    Step back




    Submitted on 2004-08-30 15:19:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      r u writing this about ur exgf the one that moved away.. cuz i mean i no u onli jus mentioned it to me but it made me think of that
    i relly liked this one too..it seems that i love all of ur work actualy
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      Everywhere you want to be... everywhere she is... To be this deep in love is to be blessed or to be cursed... Lovers are a dying breed, and suicide claims more of us daily. There is absolutely nothing negative or even constructive that I can say to help. Your work is just too perfect. Maybe you should show it to her? Just a thought... Virgil
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Lip_Gloss_and_Black | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way you think - although perhaps you could have a little less of your signature talismans (bullets and butterflies) in your work.

    i like this because it's reminds me of robert browning's "porphyria's lover", the story of a man who saw the epitome and pinnacle of love in the eyes of his lover, and knew that it would be all downhill from there so he killed her, working off that old addage to get out while the getting is good or going out on top.

    and here, there is desperation in his admiration of her, of how it pains him to love so much of her that they've an appointment with a revolver. that and the language is so rich and stylized to fit your artistic, yet refreshingly original purposes. maybe also a little like the offspring's "special delivery", but nearly everything slightly grisly reminds me of that song. cheers - thanks for sharing.

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-11-07 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow I absolutleyt loved this peace. THese are awesome Lyrics...I wish I could describe to you the music that played in my head as I read the piece...Alas I am not musician...I love the part with all the 6's that was brillaint...The pace of the piece was impeccable. KEep it up, I definatley wanna read more of your work-John
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont know how you're able to do that over and over again. your lyrics are incredible. there is something about your writing that i just cant put my finger on.. but they're the kind of lyrics that make you want to keep coming back to read them again.
    what kind of music do you play?
    great work as always.
    | Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      butterfly bullets boy (sorry but i think that name has stuck for you... ) this is amazing... the first two parts about favourite disaster and walking suicide are so WOW! and i as i read the line 'Youíre my favorite disaster' i couldnt help thinking this was gonna be like that song "my favourite mistake" but then this is nothing like it which is a very good thing!
    'Holding on is losing grip at seventy miles an hour'
    WOW! seriously... do you write music for your lyrics? do you perform them? you really fully should... these woud be AWESOME! what kinda sound do you go for?
    one last thing... with your six bullets for the week... is that a russian roulette kinda thing? or am i just crazy today?? anyways... gorgeous as always butterfly bullets boy!
    | Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I love this. Do you write music too? This sounds like it would be a phenomenal song. I particularly like the first line, "your my favorite disaster." it says something very profound, it starts off so high already, and it really builds up the song nicely. As soon as I read that line I really looked forward to reading the rest!
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-08-31 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      this felt so real i wanted to cry.you do have a way with words. only russian roulett with the heart and you sound like your seriously sick of it all. If it ever becomes a song ,i hope the music is right so i can buy it.I know this thinking better than i want to. I wouldn't change a thing it's perfect as is.
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by wildheart | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, another great lyric! Well done. I loved this from the start to the very end. Every word fit together very nicely indeed. A few bits particularly stood out to me.

    "Holding on is losing grip at seventy miles an hour
    The wind in my face the look on your face
    As we start to bathe
    In a nine millimeter shower"

    "Six bullets for the week
    Six shots we have to take
    Six ways to behave
    Six days from Sunday"

    These were great, nothing else to say really, write on!
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      it comes across to me as someone who is writing about an experience of some kind of imprisonment and there are seeming suicidal overtones.it is really a good set of lyrics.as for its successfulnees,it all depends on the music and the vocal.good luck and fare well.
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
      [censored] awesome. i love your lyrics. i wish i could hear them to music. they're actually alot better lyrics then some of the lyrics i hear in songs i listen to and love, so thats saying something. good, good write.
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by mallyland | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    22535

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry