Description: this was written as a game with words... the rythm that comes from every line. while at the same time hoping to show emotion. feeling of disappointment and frustration. just sharing a part of my self that never goes away.
This is my life -------------------------------------------
In all these words that feed my pride
I wish that they would leave my mind
Or make me blind
In time
These rhymes
That fly
Just pass me by
I’m asking “why?”
I want to die
To stop this lie
That’s been my life
I try
I writte
I cry
I fight
I walk towards the light
And see a dream
My walk is mean
But in the end
I could just scream
From all this pain
It’s all the same
Don’t ever stop
To feel the rain
That’s been my life
It’s gone too fast
I can’t see the past
At times I wonder if it’ll last
I can’t look back and see my wrongs
And see the songs
I’ve written down
When I’m alone
With every frown
That’s come my way
Can I just say
Something that’s sweet and then you’ll stay?
It seems I’ve been forsaken
Now I’m breaking
Falling apart
That’s just the start
Something immense
That is so intense
And guess what?
In such few words that’s been my life.
you know... ive read this before... i dont know why i never commented... sorry about that already...
i think your use of rhyme works (though personally i am quite allergic to rhyme) it would be awesome to see some more punctuation though... just a thought...
in just a few words thats been your life... its been hectic, intense, hardout and crazy like and yet from this you have gained character that is evident in this write...
the line about saying something sweet so you'll stay is very cute... who is it aimed at? i kinda got lost with that but its still cute all the same...
Wow, you should really do lyrics. If it's not rap (which personally I don't favor) you could definitely work into something industrial. When I read this, I could almost hear it in almost a Linkin Parky way, but a lot more rough.
wow, not bad. i'd almost say these can constitute to the first verse of some pretty sweet lyrics, bro. u listen to rap? i'm feelin a beat from this. congrats, you've found your way to my fav list
your words full of pain and anguish, yet i feel so helpless not being able to comfort u. i too have been through so much...going through it alone sometimes. People say i am strong enough to do this...yes i have to. but there are times i wish to be fragile and wilter away in an embrace of strong arms and feel secure...i longed for it...
[censored]en chaotic, thats the feeling that this gave me. all the insecurities come out as if they were in a flood. all the pain, the rage, the fighting the wondering about age, all comes at you like a knife-very intense and i really liked this one. thank you and great job.
Submission Name: This is my life
