lost without a care by natasha

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Submission Name: lost without a care dots

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Author:	natasha
ASL Info:	15/f/brampton
Elite Ratio:	2.55 - 113/159/52
Words:	70

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	243
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	507

Description:
i just thought that id write this. let me know what u think

lost without a care dots

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another morning comes. and the darkness yet agian scares me.
im alone.
cold
scarred
and un aware of everything around me.
sad,
true
blue
and wet tears fall down my face,thinking yt agian he lefted me.
dadddy come home...
you cant hear me.
cant see me
cant hugg me
cant yell.
nothing will ever be the same agian.
alone.
scared.
sad
everythings there..
lost without a care.

Submitted on 2004-09-01 06:13:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  hmmm...i like the format of this poem its interesting...i wanted to keep reading just because i wanted to see how it read...not bad actually...the one word parts dropped right into the next word...though imnot sure if i'm fully understanding everthing in here the first part i understand but the part where you start calling daddy are you feeling this way because he left maybe...and is this from the stand point of a little girl or a sixteen year old...or 15...im just wondering...i think you could of chose a few diffrent words than what were used...ange
| Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow what touching symphony well cant but say that you where passionate about this one but please anyone hear this angel come save har i would have done it myself but she expresses herself so very well with words and words so natasha keep it up.
| Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by webdevil | [ Reply to This ]
  the topic is good. the title kicks ass. but the type of the poem is wrong. this ain't dark or anything, but sort of longing. this can be a great poem. i can feel it in my veins, but you have a lot of work to do. i dont think that the structure is bad or anything, but you have to get the right words, fix some typos, and get more imagery in, more emotion in, more sparkle in. develop more interest. somehow i feel this has something in it. come on get it out!

Zu
| Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]

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