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    dots Submission Name: lost without a caredots

    Author: natasha
    ASL Info:    15/f/brampton
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 113/159/52
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 659
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 507

       i just thought that id write this. let me know what u think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslost without a caredots

    another morning comes. and the darkness yet agian scares me.
    im alone.
    and un aware of everything around me.
    and wet tears fall down my face,thinking yt agian he lefted me.
    dadddy come home...
    you cant hear me.
    cant see me
    cant hugg me
    cant yell.
    nothing will ever be the same agian.
    everythings there..
    lost without a care.

    Submitted on 2004-09-01 06:13:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm...i like the format of this poem its interesting...i wanted to keep reading just because i wanted to see how it read...not bad actually...the one word parts dropped right into the next word...though imnot sure if i'm fully understanding everthing in here the first part i understand but the part where you start calling daddy are you feeling this way because he left maybe...and is this from the stand point of a little girl or a sixteen year old...or 15...im just wondering...i think you could of chose a few diffrent words than what were used...ange
    | Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow what touching symphony well cant but say that you where passionate about this one but please anyone hear this angel come save har i would have done it myself but she expresses herself so very well with words and words so natasha keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by webdevil | [ Reply to This ]
      the topic is good. the title kicks ass. but the type of the poem is wrong. this ain't dark or anything, but sort of longing. this can be a great poem. i can feel it in my veins, but you have a lot of work to do. i dont think that the structure is bad or anything, but you have to get the right words, fix some typos, and get more imagery in, more emotion in, more sparkle in. develop more interest. somehow i feel this has something in it. come on get it out!

    | Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]

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